Letters To God.

Hope and Despair

2010-09-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

I am a very hopeful person. So hopeful in fact that I waste away into despair. I continue to hope for things that could have been when they were apparently never meant to be.

Hope is a very powerful thing. It can bring happiness and joy in the midst of darkest times. But when a single light of hope is quenched until nothing is left but a smoldering wick. Despair shall be all encompassing.

I write this now with tears rolling down my cheeks because I am that smoldering wick. Those who love me say.. "Look on the bright side." You have a husband who loves you. A school career that will pay off in the end. (Time will tell with that one) Pardon me if I am a little cynical... I mean skeptical.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for the things that I have. I am thankful that my life isn't worse.

I know the amount of work I put into my life pays off. I know get what I give X's three. But there are certain situations where I have given and given and given. and my reward. Something taken away from me. It would be nice if some honesty were shed on the situation.

Not much in this world will make me cry. If I do... Mostly its Anger that causes it. I can hold it together pretty well for sad stuff. However: Make Me Angry! If one tear falls. I AM DONE!

There is no hope left now. Only despair. I am that smoldering wick.

What did I do wrong?

2010-09-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

The past year has been a mish mosh of happy and sad...

This time last year I was in the throws of working a 40+ hour a week job. Going to Paramedic class one 8 hour day per week. and pulling anywhere between 30-50 hours of clinical time on the weekend. Burned out much.. He he he Maybe...

Well needless to say, (but shall be said anyway) The burn out took its toll. I was fired from my job for missing too many days for class. (This is not so bad because I was secretly hoping to get laid off or fired so I could concentrate on school full time.) I flunked my scope of practice exam. I called the wrong heart rhythm. and there for completely jacked up the treatment of my patient.. Hince the repeat of Paramedic class for 2010. So here we are in September 2010 doing almost the same thing just hopefully a little wiser.

Here are the things that have changed.

I am MARRIED!!! I found my Bliss and I told him "I Do (I do I do I do I do I DO!)

June 11th was the happy day... Down at the jail house.. I mean Magistrates office. anyway.

I am now blissfully married HOORAY!!!

So what did I do wrong?

I ask this question because I have lost yet another friend. Dr. Jay, (one half of the fabulously gay duo) and I are no longer speaking. The not so funny thing is... I have no idea why. He apparently just up and decided one day to no longer talk to me. He didn't even inform me of this decision. I called him to invite him and the other half of the fabulously gay duo to the wedding. He never called me back. Instead, he opted to call a mutual friend who was my maid of honor and advised them that he would not be attending.

Wow.. Way to get treated by someone whom I assumed was my best friend. and from that day forth. I have only heard 1 word from him.

I went to visit my maid of honor while she was in town and Dr. Jay was there. He didn't say one word to me until I ASKED HIM if he had recieved the box of stuff that I had left for him. And when it was time for him to leave. He gave everyone hugs. and pretended I wasn't there.

I don't get it

I was the first person he came out of the closet to. I introduced him to our mutual best friend (and my matron of honor). I have supported him through all his dramatic moments. And for a gay man, he doesn't carry the usual gay drama. I have been honest with him.

Is it wrong of me to expect anything less of him?

I have had more people stab me in the back than I can count. I don't give them second chances either. Examples not needed, please read previous blogs.

It breaks my heart to loose another friend. I don't keep many. I hate having to burn bridges. but I don't believe in second chances.

Whats wrong with being a Prude?

2009-04-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

Why is it conversations in your head are always better than when they are played out in real life???

I pride myself in being quick witted. But there are some things that get me so frustrated that I can't form even the most simple curse word in a given conversation.

Not my fucking problem

There is a douche in class who finds it funny to turn everything into a sexually explicit comment. Now there are times when his comments are funny and then there are times when it is completely out of line and has no purpose for the material being covered. He will usually start his little tirade with the phrase "I'm not going to say anything" This phrase translated into English from Doucheman means I am inserting my foot into my mouth right about NOW!" and his inappropriate tirade of sexually explicit ramblings begin.

Now by no means am I saying I do not have a sense of humor. I do.. Most of you know me and know how to make me laugh.. but Captain Doucheypants needs to learn when enough is enough and move on.

It really does make me wonder how open minded he is.. I mean if the only thing on his mind is sex then does he really think about anything else except other bodily functions and does he only think about them when nature calls?

This whole scenario made me think about myself for a minute.. Yes my selfish tendancies rear their ugly head. By most standards because I choose NOT to open up my mouth would classify me as a Prude. Is it wrong of me to believe the old addage that it is better to remain silent and be thought the fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt? That got me to thinking even more... The word prude is a shortened version of the word PRUDENT!

Now I ask all of you...

WHAT DOES PRUDENT MEAN?

Dictionary.com says... wise or judicious in practical affairs; sagacious; discreet or circumspect; sober.

So what would this lead you to conclude. I can not be bothered with idle chat about your external genitalia. It does not concern me in anyway. Nor do I wish it to concern me. I exhibit a little thing called TACT! (only a small percentage of the time depending on what the given topic may be) It took me a very long time to learn this skill and there are still certain times I struggle with this skill. Mostly when dealing with people wanting me to be honest. but that is another day and another blog...

My thing is this I am proud to be a prude. I have an uncanny ability to choose what is allowed to slip through my lips. (double entendre intended) I have entirely too many other things to think about that this douchebag attempting to derail my train of thought by digging his hole in the gutter just a little deeper. And when you are in the gutter the only place to look is up. When you are not in the gutter you are so much more free to look and go where ever you want...
I wish Sir Douchenburg would get the clue and shut the fuck up!

On that note..
I am off to expand my horizons in the field of medical study. and maybe a little philosophy later.. you know why...
BECAUSE I CAN!

later taters.

Tricia Earl

And I thought Big and Large were synonomous...

2009-04-13T18:19:00.000-07:00

My adventures, recently have been wide and varied. woo hoo!

I got to perform a Crichothyrotomy on a pig. I have excellent video footage of that lesson in class and it is too bad they don't make video cameras with Smell-O-Vision. Let me tell ya. You don't grasp the full experience unless you can smell it as well.

My latest adventure today was to the food lion to purchase milk and TP. And I discovered something today that has thoroughly confused me. Charmin Toilet paper has multiple size rolls. They have Regular, Large, Big and MEGA!

Now the big rolls are supposed to be double or triple the size of a regular roll and about $5 more than a pack of regular rolls. Now the Large rolls did not have a definition on the package stating how much bigger than a regular roll it was.

But check this out.. Per dictionary.com, the Definition of Large is... of more than average size, quantity, degree, etc.; exceeding that which is common to a kind or class; big;
and the definition of Big is... large, as in size, height, width, or amount: a big house; a big quantity.

So YES

I am correct in my assumption that these 2 words are synonymous. BUT APPARENTLY the Charmin Toilet Paper Company is NOT aware of this little conundrum.

Personally I am wondering what the hell is going on. Are times so tight that they have to attempt to fool the public with marketing? I mean The name that is on the package of TP is in direct relation to the amount of money you will pay to wipe your ass.

Now I am all for soft TP. I am NOT one of these chicks who wipes her ass with sand paper. I purchased a regular roll for the shear fact that I didn't want to pay $14 for a pack of mega rolls. Sure the TP will last a little longer.. but I don't like thinking I am litterally flushing $14 down the toilet.. That $14 could go to a half a tank of gas. And I still believe that damn near $2 a gallon is way too expensive for gas...

And I say this on the eve of having to drive to Greensboro. I cringe at the thought of having to fill up my tank more than once in a period of 24 hours.. Hell in a period of more than a week!

Eh what can you do..

Im out

Tricia Earl :)

La Di Friggin Da

2009-03-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

Ahoy Me Maties!
and ARRRG..

Yeah Yeah.. all that jazz.

So check this out. I didn't blog for the later part of Janinjuary... I mean January, or February for that matter..

I'M SORRY!

I know you must be dying to hear about the last month and a half of my life. Well honestly you probably could care less. But here is the story ANYWAY.. This is my blog I can do what I want with it! so

Ok My last blog was about the Travesty at work. Well guess what. Something hit me out of left field!
I pulled my Trapezius. For those of you that are wandering. The trapezius muscle connects at three points on the human body. The Base of the scull, the Acromion process (near enough) or upper most portion of your shoulder blade and mid Spine, somewhere around T10-12 (Thoracic).. and Actually I didn't pull it. I have No Idea what the hell I did to it. My Doctor gave me some long huge word that I can't pronounce, let alone spell. AND you should try reading his hand writting on the FMLA paperwork. HA!! That's a joke! A doctor who can write legibly is an extremely rare find and you sure as hell won't find one like that in THIS town!
So anyway I last went to work on Jan 27th. I left early that day cus My neck and shoulder were all jacked up. And let me tell you. You never trully appreciate the ability to turn your head to the right until you can't do it anymore. I have been out on FMLA since that date. My return date is supposed to be April 1st. It is now March 5th. My shoulder/neck/back still feels whacked out but no where near as bad. I have developed a new talent. My shoulder joint likes to snap crackle and pop now. I am thinking of starting a band where my Right shoulder will be the STAR percussionist.

So tentatively I plan to return to work in April!

In the mean time I have continued my paramedic studies and I am taking an online course in Anatomy and Physiology. Hince all those previous terms explaining my injury. The A&P class is scheduled to be completed by June. I am gonna have this sucker knocked out by the end of this month. I have no kids. I am currently out of work due to a previously stated injury. (and let me tell you. THANK GOD for my little Bookbag/Briefcase/Suitcase on wheels. If it weren't for that thing.. My shoulder would be even more jacked up than it is now. If you are a student of anysort.. I highly recommend a wheeled thingy to carry around your books.) I have TIME on my side. It is my friend currently. And I plan to use all of it with my nose in a book.

But SHHH Don't tell anybody. It would ruin my reputation of being a SLACKER! and We can't have that!

My 29 again birthday came and went.. It was a wonderful day. and actually the celebration lasted about 3 days. I hung out with friends the day before to mourn the passing of my 20's I figure with turning the big # that begins with a 3 you can no longer claim any form of immaturity. which means I can no longer dance while I drive when I hear a happy song. You would not believe how much consoling had to be given to me by my dear sweet friend Dr. Jay. You can't even pout after that. I mean you have to fully claim adulthood by this age. There is no excuse. So yeah. The day before my birthday. I was in a funk... and I made sure to sqeeze in all the immature crap I could in day for the last Hurrah of my 20's
My birthday came. Bliss woke me up with Breakfast in bed. I had French toast. Oh it was yummy. and it was served to me at 5:30 in the morning. I am Now an OFFICIAL ADULT! There fore that means NO MORE NOON RULE! All my friends know. DO NOT CALL ME BEFORE NOON! Now its has been repealed to 10 am. This is one rule I have seriously been struggling with. But I have CAFFIENE on my side! Thank GOD for my automatic and programmable Coffee Pot! I really honestly do not understand how I survived with out it before. Bliss gave me 2 Anatomy and Physiology books for my birthday. I am trully appreciative. (I think he is trying to push me to get my MD. That topic is still up for debate in my mind.) And the Day after my birthday We went to Fayetteville to hang with my bestest buddy in the world. Bean! We chilled. Bliss fixed her son's computer.. (He gets put to work anywhere he goes. All due to my Mad Pimping skillz MWA HA HA HA.) I got a really great smelling bath set and a BEATLES journal! I love the Yellow Submarine! It's Friggin Awesome! And we watched Bringing out the Dead. A movie with Nicholas Cage. Where he plays a Paramedic on the verge of Burnout. To which she drew the conclusion that all Paramedics were crazy and that I was perfectly suited to perform that Job.
So yeah the three day celebration of my birthday went awesome.

So... In a nut shell.. That is what Dear sweet Tricia Earl has been up to.

I need to stop being so Damn Prophetic

2009-01-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

My last Blog was titled Mass Mayhem shall Ensue...

Well Let me just tell you. It is well on it's way.

Things at my full time job just went seriously sour. They want part of my office become outbound, and as if that isn't bad enough. They are taking our commission away and removing any form of schedule flexibility.

So what does this mean for dear sweet Tricia Earl. If I stay at my current full time job; that I have dedicated over 5 years of my life to. I will NOT be able to participate in the Paramedic class that I have signed up for. I will NOT be able to pay all of my bills because (even though management Firmly denies it) I am having to take another PAY CUT! And I would have to sacrifice my dignity!

OH HELL NO!

There are a good number of things that one could ask me to do. SACRIFICING MY DIGNITY is NOT one of them.

February 1st is when all of this will to take place. But you all know me.. Do not think that I don't have a plan. I know things at my job haven't been the greatest for a while now. I was really hoping when they pulled us in the meeting the other day; I would hear the words Severance and Unemployment.

That didn't happen.

Corporate Fairy Princess Land amazingly came up with a way to make everyone want to Quit so they could avoid the financial wind fall of the afore mentioned. I gotta hand it to them. This was pretty damn smart; HOWEVER! Never underestimate the power of those who will retain their dignity.

As of February first I will hopefully be working full time EMS, or standing in the unemployment line attempting to get my weekly check.

Yes Y'all I have a plan to get fired. They may not want to pay me severance but They will pay my unemployment benefits!

I really do hate to resort to the latter option. I would rather go full time EMS because lets face it, I am taking a paramedic class. What better way to apply my class room knowledge than in the real world. So I have applied to 2 counties with excellent protocols. Wake and Halifax. Wake is a model system. and Halifax is close to home. With either position, I am guaranteed to put my skills to the test. Wake is a top EMS system in the United States. They are so good that they get chosen to try out new protocols and test them out before they roll them out to other counties.. and as far as Halifax is concerned. They have I95 running down the middle of the county. Yeah.. Something is BOUND to happen there.

There is always one thing you can count on. People will always do something STUPID! And it is sad to say that I find job security in that..

But Oh well.

Anyway that is my rant for this evening.
I am going back to researching my paper for Paramedic class.

Later Tater's

Tricia Earl

Mass Mayhem Shall Ensue!!! Bring it Bitches!

2008-12-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

It has been a restful and semi-peaceful past few since I finished EMT-Intermediate. I am still wandering when I am going to board for Dr. Bunn.
I was supposed to have to wait until others in my class passed the state test. We see that here it is almost 2009 and I still have not boarded?

Hmm... I WONDER WHY?

Anyway that is no big concern.

The holidays went by with out a hitch.. Did I get my personal trainer (or for that matter a White Christmas) from SaNtI kLaUs? Hell NO!
That Bastard better Pay what he owe!

However I will say that it looks like the Pollard family tradition has been broken!
You know the one where I get suckered into going to my grandma's and doing all the cooking and then something either catches on fire, or (this being the main tradition) I get cut, burnt, maimed, or injured in some fashion!

That did not happen this year?

Ya know Why?

Because Grandma invited the "Crazies" over for the holidays! Yep the ones that she took in over a year ago that almost burned down her house. The ones that I absolutely can NOT stand! and refuse to be with in a 1 mile radius of. Yep. Crazy Bitch and Dumb Ass Baby Daddy! They have now multiplied their flock to four children making the "Crazies" six in total.
Yep...
Due to there unfortunate arrival at my dear sweet grandma's house, I could not attend this years family fest of good cheer.

Good Riddance I say.

So I cooked at my house. and NO INJURIES!
Yay!! Go Me!

So anyway

As time passes the more and more I find that my total and absolute hatred of my current job grows. So I have taken matters into my own hands and I have applied for Halifax EMS! It is time I went from just volunteer to FULL TIME!
Halifax actually pays pretty decently from what I hear, and I would be able to afford going to school as well as working my schedule around the upcoming Paramedic Class being held at Nash. I will be driving a hell of a lot between January 5th and December 19th 2009.
I am not excited about the driving but I am thoroughly excited about the Get out of Hell free card that this would give me.
I wonder what I did in a previous life that would garner such a punishment as being stuck in a customer service job for 5 years with absolutely no opportunity for advancement.

Eh Whatever.

Hell has afforded me the opportunity to go to school and find what I truly love in life and what I would really like to do professionally.

EMS is the life for me. I will still be a volunteer for Edgecombe. Home is where the heart is.. They say.

So here is what I am guessing will happen in 09.
PARAMEDIC CLASS!
PARAMEDIC CLINICALS!
A&P I &II
Hopefully a NEW JOB! (That will actually pay me to do what I love!)
Driving a triangle between Edgecombe, Halifax, and Nash counties. Damn OPEC is gonna get rich off me!
All in all Mass Mayhem shall ensue. and I will be the happier for it..

You all should know by now. I am not happy unless I am surrounded in chaos! Organized or otherwise.

later taters
Tricia Earl

Yeah.. I am a SMART ASS!

2008-12-09T17:29:00.001-08:00

This is one of those customer service stories that is just TOO GOOD not to share. So here goes...

Ok I got a call at work yesterday. This guy comes on my line cussin, hollerin and just being a general ass hat right?

So I ask "May I have your telephone number?" (as is standard protocol for my job.)

He cusses a little bit more and then gives me the digits.
Next...
I ask. "May I have your name sir?"

He replies with (AND I QUOTE!)
"THIS IS BULL SHIT!"

I was quiet for a split second and all manner of thoughts ran through my mind. and the thought that stuck out the most was... GO FOR IT!

I replied (And I Quote!)

"Is that REALLY what is written on your birth certificate?"

The moral of the story.
One should NEVER introduce their self as Bovine Excrement!

That is all
Earl

Dear SaNtI kLaWs,

2008-11-30T18:21:00.000-08:00

I have been a really good girl this year.
I have strengthened my mind and whilst I continue on that path there are a few obstacles I need to overcome and with your help, I think I can achieve anything I put my mind to.

As you know dear SaNtI kLaWs, I became an EMT this year. And I would hope that you know this job requires more physical ability than what I possess.

I NEED a personal trainer. One who can help me buff up. Yeah I need muscle sAnTi, because wet noodles are stronger than I am.

Lets face it SaNtI kLaWs. You are a big man.. If I and my partner were to show up at the North Pole for a code 3 (highly doubtful, being the North Pole is way out of our district) then you would be in a tight spot because there is no way in HELL (Oops did I just curse, SaNtI kLaWs?; I do apologize.) that I could lift you, or for that matter, really be able to be that big of an assistant to my partner. Unless of course you see fit to give me a permanent partner who seems to know EVERYTHING about EMS, has the patience of a saint and has the strength of an Ox.
I highly doubt the second option even exists. Not that I would take that option anyway, because what self reliance would I gain from that?

I do prefer the 1st option, because I like the change up of working with different people. It affords me the opportunity to learn how different people work. And teamwork is what it is all about right?

Other Items on my list include
A weight set. You know some dumb bells or something.. because my legs aren't that bad. My arms, however, are a sad, pitiful excuse.

Karate or Taekwondo training. I want to be able to release from a hold. A previously, scary situation has driven the motivation behind this request. And I figure it would save my criminal record from an assault and battery charge from my having resorted to using an Oxygen tank as a weapon.

A Personal Professional Masseuse - I might need help with some tight, sore, hurting muscles. Especially in the beginning. I remember how bad weight lifting class was in High School. I hurt for the 1st 3 weeks of that class. I do NOT wish to go through that again!

and finally...

The Will Power to see myself through all of this. I know I can be a pussy bitch. (SORRY SaNtI kLaWs, but its the truth.) I whine, moan, gripe, and complain. I know what I have riding on this. I know that above all I need to adopt a healthier life style. Not only for myself but for my patients. And also It would be nice to have more than a 2 pack for abs.

And On a side note to everyone else reading this other than SaNtI kLaWs...

Books I have recently read.
I read twilight, I wasn't that impressed. HOWEVER I am curious to see how New Moon turns out especially with the huge mind fuck that Edward laid on Bella in Twilight. I wanna see her become a strong, independant woman and kick that blood sucking mooch to the curb.. I know a few Twilight readers and they are probably hissing at me right now. He he he. I don't care.
And Yes I went and saw the Movie. I wanted to see it cus It had the kid in it who played Cedric Digory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Yet again. I don't understand why every teenage girl in america is going ape shit. The acting was mediocre at best. The Plot sucked balls. And ya'll have to remember I come from the school of Anne Rice. She knew how to write a vampire story up until Memnoch the Devil. After that she stopped listening to her editors and she became a thesaurus writer instead of a Novelist.

So please dear SaNtI kLaWs give me a good book series to read. I am begging for intellectual stimulation here!

On that Note
I'm out.

Tricia Earl

"You wont find me ’cause I’ll be on top a mountain pissing on your grave"

2008-11-25T20:30:00.000-08:00

Yep.. again I am in one of those moods.

Listening to "The last one alive" by VAST. It is a great song to listen to while one is watching their partner talk to them self.

Anyway I am at the station tonight. Sitting here listening to music. Waiting for the call to go be a taxi service to the hospital. When working EMS one NEVER talks up a call. It will happen. Never fails.

And EMS is what I do for FUN!

I was in a foul, contemptuous mood today. All my faithful readers know that I am in the throws of going back to school (Paramedic class still pending.) And yes as I have stated many times before. I am having problems in the financial aide department because apparently that dear, sweet wonderful, asshole known as Uncle Sam refuses to give me a Pell Grant!

BUT!!!

Check this out.

There is a chick I work with who shall remain Nameless. Nameless has more drama in her life. She doesn't have to worry people spreading her business because she spreads it herself. Everybody I work with knows that Nameless is fucked in the head ok.. (no that is not an actual medical condition... But it should be!)

Now check out what Nameless' new scheme is. She went and enrolled at the community college. Why you may ask?

So she can get the fucking PELL GRANT!..

and check this shit out!

THE BITCH GOT IT!

Oh the plot thickens.

Pay attention.

She enrolls in community college. Gets the pell grant and as soon as her government check clears she goes and drops all of the FUCKING Classes!

Little Does this Stupid Hefer know that she will have to pay ever damn penny of that check BACK!!

Oh Yes!

Uncle Sam don't play!

I just don't understand how she can qualify for the damn Pell Grant in the first place. Why isnt it given on merit?

I don't understand why I can't qualify?

I mean really WHAT THE FUCK?

Maybe it is for the fact that I REFUSE to lay on my back like a whore on the street corner, and pop out a kid or 2 just so I can qualify?

NO I DON'T THINK SO!

I have more dignity than THAT!

and Woe unto you who steps in my way or flaunts your stupidity such as Nameless did. I kept my mouth shut for the sheer fact that I was in Corporate Fairy Princess land where management likes to pretend that all things are covered in Dandelions and Dafodils amidst much Corporate hacking and slashing.

Bolox!

Well I do want to leave this blog on a happy note. I won $10 on a $5 scratch off tonight. Doubled my money. Slowly but surely my nursing degree will be paid for. And that beat my record of $6 bux won on a scratch off.

On that Happy note
Im out.
Tricia Earl.

Looking for rhyme and reason in random chaos!

2008-11-21T17:21:00.000-08:00

I have been a busy little bee in the past few weeks.

I took my EMT-I exam. Stressed myself out for about 7 days over the results because although I studied I didn't feel I studied enough, or I focused on certain bits of information more than others. Anyway!

I PASSED!!!

And I did a happy dance.

Now for all the men who read my blog the next section of this blog may be a little bit gross for you! For any women thinking about having an IUD put in.. READ THIS SECTION CAREFULLY!

I was originally supposed to have my IUD put in the day of my state board for EMT-I... I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Glad I had to postpone the procedure until the next week.
I have never had children and the IUD (IntraUterine Device) is a method of birth control that lasts for up to 5 years.
I decided to go through this procedure because the next 5 years of my life are going to be extremely hectic. I do not need the extra added stress of a little munchkin version of me running around too.
That and my best friends kids are the perfect form of deterrent needed. However I must say they are getting to that age where they are corruptible and you can discuss Quantum physics with them. They are EXTREMELY smart children. I wonder (sadly) why more children can't be like hers?

Anyway... I digress

So I decided to have the procedure of having the IUD inserted. And Trust me! IT IS A PROCEDURE!
They layed me down on the table. The Doctor did a pelvic exam. He used his medieval torture device (the speculum).
AND THEN he injected a medication into my cervix that made it dilate from 0 to 10 in less than 3 seconds.

MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
I ALMOST CAME UP OFF THE TABLE!
and Yes...
There was much vocal ability demonstrated on my part.

He inserted the little device to keep babies away for 5 years. And I had lost all color by this point but I NEVER passed out.
He finished and the doctor left. I asked the nurse who was also present. Is this what child birth is like?

She replied with.. "Actually Mother Nature is much more gentle. When women go full term, the process for cervical dilation usually takes a few weeks. You just went through it in 3 seconds flat."
I replied with I am NEVER having kids. NEVER!
She also stated they had performed this procedure with other women where vagus nerve stimulation occurred and those women had passed out. Now at this point that would definitely explain the nausea I was experiencing. But my vagus nerve failed me. I did NOT pass out. I think, if given the option, I would have liked to have passed out.
The medical staff at this facility were extremely understanding of my condition after the procedure I had participated in. It took me a few moments to recuperate. I had broken out into a cold sweat, felt like I needed to projectile vomit and I had turned white as a sheet. (a majority of the signs of shock!) Now I am already pale, pasty and proud. but apparently what ever melanin I had left to define a skin tone had run for the hills.
They let me lay on the table curled up in the fetal position for what seemed like hours but I finally sat up after about 30 minutes.
I got dressed, went home and laid in bed ALL day. I even called out sick to work the next day because I was still felt bad from the procedure.

For all of you women out there thinking about having this done. I had heard a lot of good things about the IUD from other women who had it done. They never once told me about all that I have described for you. But then again they have had children and are mostly in the medical field. They knew what to expect. I HAD NO CLUE. And also the doctor had written a prescription for a medication that was supposed to make the process easier for the cervical dilation. I didn't get the chance to pick up the prescription from the pharmacy. MY BAD! If you do it.. Make sure you get that medication. I have no Idea what it is called! Your Doctor will tell you.

So anyway, here it is, a week later. No complications to my knowledge except from what I already expected from reading the material on the IUD. and I am chill. Sorta. I have been a little pissy but I think that is from the lack of hormones and getting adjusted from my old form of birth control. It too shall pass.

I guess the hormonal adjustment would explain the weird mood I have been in.

All this week, I have been coming home from work, cooking dinner and watching a 6 part documentary (on Netflix) about Auschwitz. I have been researching Auschwitz for about 3 or 4 years now off and on. I guess it is because I don't understand what can drive a group of people to the level of hatred that would cause them to feel driven to mass extermination of another group of people as well as all those who they felt stood in their way.
It could be one of those things that is never meant to be understood. Maybe I really don't want to understand it. The horrors and atrocities committed against the human race are inexplicable.
I want to help all those that I can. I wish to harm none. and it is completely unfathomable to me how this could have happened.
I found an Article on Foxnews.com about an Army Medic's account that Hitler had 1 testicle. I found this rather amusing and ya know, IT EXPLAINS SOOOOOOO MUCH! Here is the link if you would like to read it.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,454744,00.html

Other than all the happenings and goings on of daily life. I have basically been going to work. I worked my volunteer shift and my partner and I had the great idea of hanging a little tree air freshener in the back of 268. Trust me if you smelled what we had to deal with you wouldn't blame us. The little Tree worked. It quickly vanquished the foul, malodorous stench that was creeping up to cab on the drive back to the station. And yes this was after we had disinfected the back of the truck!

So yeah. All is well in the life of Tricia Earl.
and on that note
I'm out

Excuse me! I don't think I understand the question.

2008-11-11T16:36:00.000-08:00

Why is it people feel a need to let immaturity rule their life?

I know people get into fucked up situations with "friends" and friendships end.

I know...
I have been there.
So I can PREACH!

I was good friends with a person a while ago, and certain habits got in the way of our friendship. Things were said face to face by both parties.
I opted to drop it and live my life with out said person in it.

And the happier I am for it.

Even though I know said person spread vicious lies about me to anyone who had a set of ears. I took the high road. I didn't even bother trying to defend myself because said person attempted to ruin my reputation.

And here is why.

I know the truth of the situation and I feel no need to bother cleaning up a mess someone else created.
I have my own life to live. I quite simply can not be bothered by someone else' agenda.
I also feel no need to add fuel to an already sky high fire. I mean really the situation could have been made much worse by trying to exact vengeance for an attempted ruined reputation.

and FINALLY!

I know actions speak louder than words.
I know my actions speak more about my character than what ever twisted, sordid, (And lets not forget SAD) melee of insult said person could ever attempt to lay on my reputation.
I am me. No More... No Less...
I define myself, and my character by my actions. 99% of the time I will do what I say unless I find some reason that planned course of action would be unbefitting of my character.
I will carry myself with Dignity and Respect. And through that people will see that I have integrity!

Did I forgive said person?

Yes

Because not forgiving someone is to let that person still hold power over you.

No one will ever dominate me!

Now for the reason I am writing this particular blog.
I know people in similar situations. Who make themselves out to be the consummate victim. This "Whoa as me" shit needs to stop. I have little patience as it is and for this I HAVE NONE!

The actions of these people are in concurrence with those of a 13 year old middle school child. Watching this display is worse than watching a boring ass, Never ending tennis match!

To this I say...
Shit happens... Act like a Goddamned adult!

and on that note
Earl has said her piece.

Later

THOU SHALT NOT KILL!

2008-09-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

The word of the day is IRK!

It was a Saturday class just like any other. Except a couple of things happened today that irked me. One thing was the fact that one of my brake calipers went wonky and I had to pay $100 to get that fixed. I was lucky to find a place that was open on Saturday to get it fixed.

Surprisingly this did not irk me to the empth degree, as one would expect.

What did IRK me was a conversation with a person that will remain nameless.
I thought I knew this person fairly well. He and I went through basic class together. I knew he was developing the personality of an asshole. I guess I was in denial about just how bad he had gotten.

So in class today we were discussing ECG's and how to recognize certain cardiac rhythms. Our instructor, Donnie, has said on multiple occasions in the past 3 classes that we need to pay attention to this information, When treating patients with chest pain, and/or a possible heart attack, I can deffinately see where Donnie is RIGHT! Donnie is an excellent instructor. (Oh and by the way: GOOD NEWS: He said last week he was going to attempt to get us OR time so we can get our Intubations! I am soooooooooo excited!)

Well anyway.

This fellow classmate and I were outside partaking in a cigarette on morning break. And he made a remark that IRKED me

He said (and I quote!) "I don't need to know this shit! This is for Medics!" To which I replied.
"Name of said student, do you NOT realize that we are playing with peoples lives?"
He said "So, this is just a job."

This thoroughly PISSED me off!

I told him that if I am ever privy to ride on a stretcher that happens to be on the back of an ambulance that he is working on, I want somebody else. You better not lay a finger on me, because I want someone to treat me who knows what the FUCK they are doing!

It was blatantly obvious in basic class that he had no clue what he wanted to do with his cert. He was originally taking it because it was required for a previous job he was working that had nothing to do with EMS. Lord knows I helped him study through that class. I am NOT helping him through Intermediate! He is on his own.

I just don't understand why he has become such a prick. He pretends he knows everything. Just because he decided to go full time with the squad does not mean he knows his elbow from his Ass!

Let me ask my faithful audience this. What good is experience is you are closed to the opportunity of learning from it?

I am still a volunteer. I work two 12 hour shifts a month. I also have well over the allotted clinical time in for this Intermediate class. I do it because I love it. I work a full 40+ hour a week job (that I HATE might I add.) When I go to the station, I have to work with a different partner and there are times when I feel like a complete idiot because I don't know certain things such as how to do call reports. I am slowly getting the hang of that one, or what button to press on the radio at the station to say 10-4 Edgecombe. No one has ever shown me which I guess I can chalk that up to my own stupidity for not asking. I am still learning how to talk over the radio to dispatch and there is one dispatcher in particular (who is also a volunteer at the station, who HATES the way I say enroute. I pronounce it enroot.)

And another great example that I am completely clueless to where everthing is when restocking the truck. I don't know where everything is in the supply room/office. Yes, nameless asshole brought that up the other night. He said that "The volunteers were the ones that left it in total disarray so you can't find anything!" He also prequalled that statement with "No offense"

Yeah!

The more I study the fine art of saving lives; The more seriously I take it and the more I realize that I don't know jack squat about anything more than basic life support, and I can't WAIT to learn more. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! I understand that yes I can defibrillate a patient who A: is unconscious, B: is NOT breathing, and C; has NO pulse. but only if the Defibrillator says their rhythm is in V-tac of V-fib because those are the only 2 treatable rhythms. Ask ASSHOLE this.. I guarantee he doesn't know it.. He was too busy making Fart sounds with his hands while we were practicing zapping the dummy.

I really want to know am I taking class to seriously? I don't think so. I know that I will eventually hold someone's life in the palm of my hand and I want to do everything I can for that person, when that time comes. I have been on the side of the family begging for help from EMT's and Medics. And I know they did all they could for my loved one.

I don't want to see a patient die because someone half-assed it.

On that Note. I have to study now. I wanna know my stuff.
And I will firmy abide by the commandment of Thou shalt not Kill!

Later taters

Tricia

2007 Review and so on and so forth

2008-09-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

I rarely go back and read what I have written.

I realize in moving my blogs from myspace to Blogger that in the past (almost) 2 years I have accomplished a lot!

I have certainly become more cynical that is for sure. My tolerance for stupidity and D-Rama has SIGNIFICANTLY lowered.

I started this blog just shortly after a significantly Long term relationship ended. I was so full of hope and wonder, and yet amazingly DEPRESSED at the same time (reference all the stuff about the skewl of hard knox). I also realize that I need to fill in some gaps.

I met Bliss in March 06.
He moved to NC in Jan 07
My cousin had a short stint staying with us in February and that turned out to be a HOT MESS!
Somewhere in the May, June time frame of 07 Brown got his Surgery Technician degree and I remember him looking at me funny and asking if I was sure I wanted to take an EMT class.
and I replied to him. Well if I gain anything from the class at least I will be able to carry on a conversation with you with out turning 3 shades of green and passing out.

Low and behold. Here I am today.
I am still in the throws of EMT-Intermediate class.
I love what I do more and more each day!
I still have some skill checks to complete before I can take the state test in November. I have well over the average time in the hospital and Ambulance experience needed for class but I still need 11 more successful IV sticks. I am not as afraid of Needles as I once was.

I gave blood the other day. and the phlebotomist laughed at me.
He said you are the only person I know who can NOT watch the needle go in their arm.. I warned him. I still get dizzy at the thought of a needle going into my arm. but I can poke other people no problem. I can even watch the bag fill up and the needle sit in my arm. but for some reason I just can not watch it break my skin. IT FREAKS ME OUT! I told him it was one of the psychological thingies.

I had an opportunity to Ride with Duke Life Flight.
Duke is the #1 medical school in the nation!
I knew I wanted to be a flight nurse a while ago. I just didn't know that the goal was so attainable.

Next I get my Medic
Then I head off to nursing school. and with in the next five years I will be on the back of a Helicopter instead of an Ambulance. Albeit I do LOVE an Ambulance!
The ambulance will always be my first love.

**Quick side note on Duke Life Flight. I had an awesome time. It was an extremely educational experience. The people I flew with were down to earth willing to answer all of my questions.. Most would probably expect them to have their heads stuck up their ass because they work for Duke..(Mostly Carolina fans think this) But it was the exact opposite! The pilot was awesome. He also earned extra kewl points because he knew who Foamy the squirrel is.**

Overall, Looking back over the past 2 years.. so many things have fallen into place.
I am so much more different than what I was before. I am focused and when I am frazzled I have a support team to help me maintain focus.

In a totally chaotic life, I have found happiness. I don't think I would be happy unless I had chaos.

eh. what do you know.. this just may be the beginning of me really figuring it out.

On that note I am out.

Tricia :o)

18 Jul 08 Friday Opinions and Assholes... See a resemblance?

2008-09-05T16:19:00.000-07:00

Wow!

It has been 1 day short of a month since have last blogged. I hadn't realized.

Well anyway.. Let me catch yall up on the Life and Times of Tricia and her alter ego Earl.
But 1st let me go and get some Coffee! (both Tricia and Earl are in need of caffeine)
...
...
...
Ok. Got my vein tapped. and an IV of coffee running

::Sigh::

So Yeah. Over the past month I have been voted into ECRS as a Full Fledged Volunteer. Go Me ! :) This is step 1 of my Health Care Proffessional goal.

Let me tell ya, I picked a good time to join this squad!.. There has been a whole lot of griping moaning arguing, complaining and.. OH YEAH lets not forget the wailing and knashing of teeth, due to the ECRS take over of PTRS which from certain points of view has turned into a big ole stinky mess.

I am not a member of paid personell. I do this because I love it.

When I started the EMT- Basic class. I had no Idea what I was in for. I had no Idea that I would fall madly in love with the EMS proffession. I had no Idea that on August 20th, 2007 I would take the 1st steps toward My lifes Love.

But Low and Behold.

Here I am a Basic working to get my Intermediate cert and after that I will work towards getting my Paramedic.

I completely realize that I am greener than a blade of grass. I completely understand that to study theory in a book and to know how the steps work in a real life situation are 2 completely different things.

I COMPLETELY understand that it is one thing to work your ass off in class to maintain a certain GPA so that you can hope to take the state test and get that little certificate that says you can work on the back of Big Bertha!(Truck 266 as I have lovingly dubbed her.)

I understand that everything from this point on is to be learned on the back of that ambulance. I know how to do chest compressions. I know how to take Blood pressure and put a patient on Oxygen.
I am working on developing the instinct needed to recognize the signs of a trully life threatening situation.
When I am working with an Intermediate or a Medic, I keep my mouth shut and absorb the information I am given. I am a sponge. I am willing to learn. I am not like the others out there who think they are the end all beat all. I CARE! I don't want to go out in the field and twiddle my thumbs when I know somebody's life is on the line.

There are some who were once in my shoes. I wish they would remember what that is like. I wish those few would also remember the true reasons to be in EMS and it most certainly is NOT for the pay check!

I am a basic and I am proud of what I have accomplished. I know that everyone is not cut out to do what I do. Nor does everyone out there realize that you have to start somewhere.

Remember your ABC's
A - Airway
B - Breathing
C - Circulation

Ponder and contemplate the universe if you will.
I am going to sleep. I have big plans to follow with in the next month but that is another blog.

Later Taters.

Tricia (Earl)

19 Jun 08 Thursday Thought for the day!

2008-09-05T16:17:00.000-07:00

I am such an Uber DORK!

16 Jun 08 Monday

2008-09-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ya'll know me.. I love living the life in the all wonderfulness of running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
I called out sick today because of bronchitus. Yes AGAIN I have bronchitus! All is good tho. I am on 4 medications that are helping to clear it up. But I felt like poo last night so I was not feeling getting yelled at today.

PMS is setting in. I couldn't just lay in bed all day. So I fixed a pot of coffee, and commenced to cleaning. My bathrooms are emaculate!!!

and Now all I can smell is clorox but that is ok. Not like it is really helping my sinuses any. but Oh well what can ya do.

I have class tonight.. Yeah!!! something to be excited about.
I just hope we can finally get to poking stuff now. Donnie has been droning on and on for 2 weeks now about IV's and needles... COME ON!!!! LET ME POKE SOMETHING ALREADY!!!

Let me get over this fear of needles... It is making me antzy!

Anyway.. I will make this quick.. I need to go and make dinner before class.

Later taters.

Tricia (Earl)

02 Jun 08 Monday Why does freshly popped microwave popcorn smell like Feet?

2008-09-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

I love the people I work with. However I am not loving their obsession with microwave popcorn.

It is the weirdest thing.

I have no clue what brand it is.. But I swear to you when it is Freshly popped. This popcorn smells like some Crusty stank feet!

I mean dear god.. Somebody pops it and brings it into the work area and OMG the foul wretched smell permiates the air!!It really makes me wonder if this is what the inside of the gas chambers at Auschwitz smelled like..

It is that sickening.

It makes me cringe thinking about it.

So anyway...

On with the other happenings in my life..

I made a 90 on my first EMT-I test.. Yeah.. Go me.. I am all Nerdy and stuff!
Next test is in the 2nd week of July! We start clinicals this month sometime around the 23rd I am a wee bit excited about that. We discussed the theory of intravenous access last week but we don't get to start poking stuff with needles until around next week.. and strangly I find myself agonizingly giddy at the prospect of poking a dummy with a needle. He he he...

Donnie whipped out some needles in the last class and let us practice getting IV bags ready and drawing medications into the syringe.. It freaked me out a little bit.. because (I am not gonna lie) I was scared that I was gonna get stuck..

I DO NOT LIKE NEEDLES!!!!

yeah.. I picked the right field of study; didn't I!

Other Good News..

Bean, Sgt Loony and the boys are back from the happy land of the Rising Sun. It absolutely amazed me that even a sugar rush from Great American Cookies couldn't ward off the effects of Jet lag. and Bean laughed at me because they hadn't even been back a full 24 hours and I was already starting to spoil the boys.!!

Well What else am I supposed to do.. I haven't seen them in person in 3 years... They have gotten so big. and Deej's Hair is Soooooo long.. He is growing it out so he can donate it to Locks of Love..

Now I must ask.. How awesome is it that this 10 year old boy is taking massive ridicule by his age group so he can donate his hair to a Cancer patient!

I love these kids.. And they are the reason I do not have any of my own!!!

I don't need my own when Bean and Sgt Loony are so willing to share.

I CAN HAVE MY MUNCHKIN FIX NOW!!!

On another note.. The truck is in the shop AGAIN!.. I am like so fed up.. I have had more problems with this truck. First The fuel injectors and lines get clogged with Gunk and I had to spend like $600 bux to get that fixed but that was a year ago.. and Then the Air conditioner goes Kaput! So yeah.. I have been riding around for 2 summers with out AC! yah.. I been redneckin it with the Window down. and Now It is leaking brake fluid. I love my little truck for the Utilitarian ability that it allows but now it is just becoming a money pit. I am looking at getting a used Tahoe next. Which being I don't have to travel far for Work, School, and Volunteering.. I am hoping that It has a V6 and Not a V8 but Either way I hope I can cope with the gas mileage... I would love to have a Honda Element. (Yes Jessica... I want your Car!!!) I know they come with a 4 cylinder. oooh oooh oooh.. you can open up all the doors and spray it out with a water hose.. How awesome is that... Either way I need SOMETHING that is RELIABLE!!!!

On that note

I now have to go STUDY!!!

your super nerdyness
Earl!

23 May 08 Friday

2008-09-05T16:05:00.001-07:00

Good Evening..
err..
Morning
My fellow Peeps!

I am at the station tonight at the beginning of Memorial day weekend. and alas all is well. Had a few transport calls tonight. Nothing Huge. Whew. I have been a good girl.. I have been studying. Not quite sure that I have Pharmocokenetics down to a fine art yet but then again I am only prepping for class next week. Next weeks class should be interesting. We learn how to run IV's..

Yes ya'll I get to learn how poke people with a needle!!! This should be very interesting.
I am in a very "contemplate the universe" sort of mood. It's actually kind of a peaceful mood. I have had a lot of drama go down at work this week. But I don't want to go into it because it is over and done with and hopefully at this point in the past.
Earlier this evening we had to transport a patient to Greenville. Being third rider I got to sit in the back of the ambulance on the way back.. A lot of people may think this is silly; but I sat back there with all the lights off and just looked out the window. It has been sooooooooooooo long since I have gotten to do that. I contemplated life and death and the battle between the two. A friends earlier blog kinda got me started on that. And the patient we carried was battling a life threatening condition. Here is the important part. She had an Amazingly positive attitude. OMG she was Wonderful.

I thought.. My My.. How Ironic!

And I also got to thinking with the line of work I want to go into. How difficult of a time I will have doing all that I can for a patient and not being able to save them in the end. How that one person has affected so many in their life and the impression that patient leaves upon me before they leave this world. It is aww inspiring and saddening at the same time.. Then this overwhelming since of peace came to me. I must do all that I can, but ultimately in the end it is not up to me to make the decision in the battle of life and death.
The patient has some say in that. They decide whether or not they are ready to give up the fight. And I believe that sometimes it is just time for them to depart.

I have too many things floating around in my head right now to even begin to put down with pen and paper or with fingers and a keyboard. But that I must say was the main thing I had to get out in the open.

All in all after everything that has happened this week. Taking the first EMT-I test and Getting my grade. The work drama. More or less. Tonight's contemplative experience really put things into better perspective.

To sum it all up.
I can't be bothered with Bullshit!
There are much more important things in life.

I think I have figured out a way to de-stress!
Go Me..

I am gonna go back to studying now.
Or try to catch a nap.. I am not sure which.

Either way Relaxation is in order!

Later Taters!!
Tricia Earl!

12 May 08 Monday Go cop an attitude somewhere else. I ain’t got time for it.

2008-09-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Ok.. So Yeah.. I am at work.. Been here since 8am and I'm not leaving till 7pm. Yeah.. It's been a long day so far. and it's only 3:00 pm so anyway.. check this out...

I went to lunch at 12:15 for 1 hour and Came back and realized that the SYSTEM WAS DOWN!!!

Usually I get excited about this because usually that means that calls slow down and you actually have time to slack off on the internet.. **Coughs.. Like I'm doing right now **Coughs again

Anyway, calls sporadically pop onto my line to which I answer saying " this is Tricia... Unfortunately we are experiencing technical difficulties at this time. I can answer generalized questions but I can not access an account.

I am honest and up front before they can even state what the issue is. (I certainly don't want a subscription)

Why is it that people feel an absolutely undeniable need to tell me their whole life story and continue on with what ever said issue is with their service. KNOWING that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it!!!

Are these people about bright as a burnt out lightbulb?

I mean really! Don't cop an attitude with me. I am not an IT Guru! I don't know what the problem is with the system. I know that our IT department is fixing the system. I don't know how long it will take. So don't blame me for not being able to get your issue resolved at the snap of your fingers!

And please stop throwing a tantrum like a 5 yr old in a Wal-Mart!!! It really is not necessary!

That is my rant for today!

Have fun Peeps..
I am certainly trying too!

Earl :o)

08 May 08 Thursday It’s been a good week.

2008-09-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have worked 10 hours for the last 4 days. I need a day off. This schedule is whooping my butt. However Tomarrow is Friday. WOO HOO!!! I am off tomarrow except for working with the rescue squad. But I still don't consider that work. I guess cus I like it too much. I went to class Monday night. We were all asigned specific regions of the body to do a presentation on. I got stuck with Abdominal Organs. I whooped that presentations butt. The instructor didn't have to go over any information that I covered. but then when you look at the digestive tract and all things in the abdominal cavity it is just a matter of knowing what goes where and so on.

Anyway Last weekend I had a wonderful adventure to the Maryland sheep and fiber festival. I shall call it the WONDERLAND O YARN because thats what it was. I had no idea there were so many people around the country who share my passion for the creative art of Knitting! It almost brought a tear to my eye. Oh My God.. It was like I had died and gone to Yarn Heaven.
You have to check out the pics I took.. there were so many neat and interesting things.. It gets me all giddy. I have discovered a new artist. Connie Togel (that is supposed to have 2 dots over the o in Togel) but I don't know how to do that.

Anyway..

The Adventure begins!!!

Dr.J, Brown and I get up at the ass crack of Dawn, and headed on up the road. I drove from Whitackers to Somewhere in Maryland. Can Yall believe it? I navigated around Washington DC all by myself! That was the most unpleasant part of the trip.and let me tell you the trip up there was enjoyable. Brown slept in the back seat (The deal was he had to drive back). We had a full day of Yarn and sheep ahead of us. I had decided to wear my cowboy boots because I figured I was gonna be walking around in Manuer all day. Boy was I wrong.. It was really really nice. The fairgrounds were partially paved. However we were in the foot hills of the mountains And we got stuck parking out in BFE! The walk UP HILL back to the car was NOT pleasant. Especially being my cowboy boots suck when it comes to cushioning. NEXT YEAR! I am breaking out the Adidas! Anyway. We were there. It was breezy and warm outside. It was an absolutely lovely day. I got a wee bit of a sun burn from it, but It didn't hurt, and the next day it had changed to tan. (The tan is almost gone now.) We walk around and I am like a kid in a candy store. Dr. J and Brown got a good laugh out of me because I was like OOOOOH!!! Look at this... OMG IT'S NORO!! Go Figure I can go to a completely different state and immediately put my hands on my most favoritest yarn in the world and Not realize it until I see the Japanese on the label! Go figure. and after the Noro find I discovered a new artist. Connie Togel (that is supposed to have 2 dots over the o in Togel) but I don't know how to do that.
Anyway check out her art at www.charisma-art.com.. It's called SHEEP INCOGNITO! she's really great. Or atleast I think she is.

Yes I am that big of a Dork!

And yes Everywhere I went.. I was snapping pictures.. For some reason the BB was on the fritz.. It would let me take the pic but it wouldn't send.. Everytime I saw some BEAUTIFUL yarn. I took a pic and tried to send it to Michelle. I told Dr. J and Brown several times that day that Michelle was gonna hate me! and Next year versus trying to send her pics of what she is missing in Real time we are just gonna have to kidnap her for 2 days!!!
Don't worry Ya'll Michelle will be fine.. Her bank account may not be though.. (She is a bigger Knitting dork than I am.) Hell She has a whole Year to plan and save!!!
I know I will be!
I am very proud of myself. I came home with a new cowboy hat, and 3 skeins of yarn. YUMMY DELICIOUS YARN.. It will Knit like BUTTER! OMG! I almost had a conniption fit when I realized there were not enough hours in the day to knit all the things I was inspired to knit!
Alas all good things must come to an end. and We had to leave the Wonderland O Yarn! And the trec back up the mountain the vehicle was not an easy one. and we came home. The ride home was fairly uneventful. There were a couple of traffic backups outside of DC in which Brown and I had a very interesting discussion about pidgeons and why they are unable to fart and if they were able to fart they would be able to enjoy an alkaseltzer every once and a while.

Brown started that line of conversation. NOT ME! How ever I did Laugh so hard that my sides were hurting.

Any way ya'll
I am going to Waffle house.. I need Coffee and food.!
I got studying to do. 1st test is coming up in 2 weeks, and ya'll know me at this point.. It is better to go ahead and get a jump start on the studying.

I am a Geek, a Nerd, and Yes you all finally saw my Dorky side tonight..
Don't pick on me too hard.

Later Tater's
Earl

28 Apr 08 Monday More ramblings of the Unimaginable

2008-09-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Another night of class passes. It seems as though we just keep reviewing all the stuff from the Basic class. But ya know The review will come in handy.. Even though I just completed the basic class. I feel there are probably some pertinant things I missed.

Alas... Life is good.

And it just keeps getting better.

People have noticed a change in me. Maybe now that I have seemingly found purpose in what I do. Some have seen that I have become more outgoing and others have noticed I have gotten quieter. Maybe I am more willing to enjoy a comfortable silence than before, rather than fill the void with mindless chatter.

I find myself wishing others could feel what I feel and know what I know. But then I also think not to give too much of myself away.

If I could just share a piece of it. I think the enlightenment aspect of it all becomes a bit much to handle unless one is ready for it. So for now. I shall keep to myself what is necessary to keep to myself and share what the world is ready for.

Wow!! that was philosophical!
I just had a moment.

Talk amongst yourselves...

There are a few people out there that I will always have undying hope that they figure it out. I hope they find the purpose of their life instead of living in a pit of unnecessary chaos.
It absolutely befuddles me; how people can get so stirred up over petty things. I know.. I know.. I am one to preach on this one... I freak out over the stupidest of things. and I find humor where most do not. And for that matter I can tell one hell of story after it is said and done with. I think the key is wanting to learn who you are and loving yourself for it. It sounds so cliche to say the words "Be yourself" but those cliche words are very true. The hardest part of being yourself is figuring out who you are. Then the next tricky part is going down that path with out looking back and loving every minute of the journey.

With that being said.. I am going to bed.
I have to work,
Hey... Somebody has got to pay the bills.

Later taters

Tricia (Earl)

26 Apr 08 Saturday For the Love of it ALL!

2008-09-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

Pre-Blog Disclaimer.

I am in a weird mood. It is 3:27 am and I feel the urge to write about it.
I am not really sure what needs to be said but I figure the words will fly forth.

I have started volunteering with ECRS station 2.
In 1 month I have seen.
A gun shot victim.
How an autistic kid reacts to his first dose of crack rock.
Medical transports.
A prevented possible heart attack.
The inside of all of the Ambulances that Station 2 has in service.
And many more things that I really can't possibly begin to describe.

I was offered a position to work part time with a medical transport company making more money than volunteering, but because it is medical transport I knew there would be less likely of a chance of seeing real trauma patients. So I opted for volunteer. People probably think I am crazy for that decision. And now that I look back on it. To work for EMS you need to have a certain level of insanity so you can deal with what you see on a daily basis.

It's kinda funny actually until last night a couple of the guys at ECRS thought I was jinxed. My first night riding as a 3rd rider (which you have to do for 3 months before you are voted on the squad) A whole bunch of stuff went down. It was like the people of Edgecombe county just went loopy and decided that everything under the sun that could medically go wrong... DID GO WRONG! So yeah. We were busy for a majority of the night and aparently they thought I was the one who brought the Bad ju ju. Well their opinion changed last night. We had a total of 2 calls. and 1 of those got cancelled as soon as we got in the Ambulance and were about to leave. Let me tell ya.. Getting toned out at 3:00 am for no apparent reason really makes sleepy EMS workers unhappy. Can you blame them I know one of the guys I was riding with was pulling a 36 hour straight shift. And I thought I was bad with out coffee!

I have been told by more than 1 person that you do not enter into EMS for the money. I realized that this would deffinatley be a labor of love. I want to advance far beyond Paramedic. I want to be a flight nurse. That way I can still perform Emergency Prehospital care. Fly on the back of a helicopter, and get PAID!
I guess the whole point of what I am saying is that I love what I am doing. I can see why EMS workers get burnt out so quickly. I understand why some of them are hardened to the world, Yet they still love what they do. It can be hard to see some of the things they see and not let it get to you. I am still green. And I am still trying to take it all in.

I have said previously. I can sleep when I am dead. I think I am gonna regret saying that. With working a full time job. Volunteering at Station 2, Intermediate class and upcoming clinicals. Oh yeah. I can already tell that the coffee pot better not run dry!

I also came up with the realization that there have been many reality tv shows out there about Dangerous jobs. Like Deadliest Catch and Ice Road Truckers... Those men are to be commended for putting their life on the line for a pay check. However I must say this. Why don't we see a reality show about people who put their life on the line for other people. There are dangers in EMS even though the first rule for EMS workers is "Your Safety Comes First". There is always that chance of infection of what ever disease. Why is there no reality show about EMS workers, or the Fire departments around the country. The police already have a show called COPS!

Well It is really late now.. I need sleep cus I know I won't be getting it later.
I'm out.

Tricia (Earl)

30 Mar 08 Sunday Sleep and Cheese puffs

2008-09-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

Working on Saturday sux. It really really does. It was cold and gloomy and I really did not feel like hauling my butt out of bed and down to the office to sit for 8 hours to get yelled at... Sorry that just is Not the perfect way to spend a Saturday. So anyway I came home. Surfed the webbernet, and found some great pics on the Duke Life flight website. Ate dinner, and promptly got sleepy.

I went to bed at 8pm. That is not typically how I do things.. but For some strange and odd reason. I was really tired. I slept till 10 am this morning.. I got a whole solid 14 hours of sleep...

DO YOU KNOW HOW REFRESHED I FEEL TODAY!

I bugged Bliss to get up and cook breakfast which he was all grumpy cus He had to get up.. It was his turn.. It is only fair. especially being I cook 5 meals during the week now and he cooks all meals on the weekend which is only 4. So yeah.. he went back to bed after that.. And I proceeded with my day.. After Breakfast and Coffee I decided to work some more on figuring out the BB. For some strange reason It started showing a big ABC instead of my battery power Icon... and in the whole 270 page instruction manual. It doesn’t tell you how to fix it... sure it gives a temp fix.. but nothing permanent... So after BBmessaging my friend Resie.. God I love her for all of her Infinite BB knowledge.. Behold her Omnipotent Glory. She told me to reboot the phone.. Pop the battery off for a couple of mins and that should take care of it...

And LOW AND BEHOLD!

Resie was Right..

Rebooted BlackBerry later!

I am back to contemplating life.

Dave Matthews Tix went on sale yesterday for the July 4th Columbia SC show... I am going to that show... Come Hell or High Water. Tix are $65.. Sadly I am gonna have to wait till Next week to purchase mine.. for the Sheer fact that.. Right Now I am broke and between starting at the Rescue Squad next week and class starting the week after that... I really do need to make sure I have my ducks in a row before making plans 4 months out!
OI VAY!
So anyway.. In the whole Contemplation of life thing.
I talked to a dear wonderful friend the other night. I am so proud of her. She is getting it. She has found what she wants to do and she is going after it full force.. YOU GO GIRL! ROCK ON WID YO BAD SELF.
She and I were talking Philosophy. sorta. We were discussing how you run from the things you want because of fear of failure. And we also talked about how certain people fear happiness. There are several people I know who choose to live thier lives in a pit of misery and despair because they are afraid of being happy. Oh Hell! I have dated a couple of these fools.

But I digress.
My question is this..

Is happiness kinda like love in that aspect. We all know the old euphamism. "It is better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all"

Is it better to be happy for a moment and miserable for the rest of your life than to be completely miserable your whole life with out knowing what true happiness is like?

When I first started the EMT program at Edgecombe Community College. I did it for several reasons. Mainly to conquer fear of Blood, Needles and so on and so forth. In this program I think I have found myself. I started the basic class aimlessly really.. my objectives included conquering fear, and actually starting something and completing it. sure Basic certificaiton was a step and a completion in and of itself. but the closer the State board came; the more I started wrapping my head around it. The more I realized what I could do with this certification and the more I realized what I really wanted to do.
Earlier in life. I bounced around looking for meaning in what I was doing. My earlier college experience was not the greatest because I didn’t really care about what I was studying.. I dropped almost everything and what I didn’t drop I barely passed by the skin of my teeth. Needless to say.. I am not proud of my previous experience in the land of accademia.
But now I can say I have found myself. I have found what I want to do. I can say that I also will be persuing it with everything that is in me.

The first thing you realize as an EMT is Don’t PANIC!
People are calling you because they are panicking and are looking to you to be able to remain calm and help with what ever the situation holds.

I know over the next few years. I am going to be extremely busy. I know that I will have time to sleep when I am dead and more than likely the only meals I will have time for will be a bag of cheese puffs.
Bring it On..
I am Ready.

I WILL SUCCEED!

Later Taters

20 Mar 08 Thursday My Name is EARL!

2008-09-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

This is typical of my luck! All the more proof that I need to be a stand up comedienne.

As you all know from either reading my ramblings or just talking to me. I took the EMT basic class. I Stressed about it for what seemed like the 6 longest grueling months of my life. And then the State board. I passed it with Flying colors. WOO HOO Go me!!!! I so totally ROCK! well Today I get all my information for Certification. I get the actually results for my test. What sections I made what portion of what percentage and Yada Yada Yada.

Here are the Levels of EMT.
Medical Responder
EMT-Basic
EMT-Intermediate
EMT-Paramedic

I got my test results. One needs a minimum of 70% to pass and get the Basic Certification. I got well above that! However on the actual Certificate that I recieved said "Medical Responder"

The HISSY CONNIPTION commenced!

My heart rate went up.
My breathing rate increased. (there was no brown paper bag near by)
My hands started to tremble.
and
Tears welled up in my eyes.

I said. "First responder! OH GOD! I’m gonna have to retake the state test just so I can qualify to take the Intermediate class that starts in April! OMG What Am I gonna do?"

I called Mark.

Mark is the Edgecombe County Emergency Response Director. He was in my class getting recerted. I told him my test score and I told him about the certificate. He said there had to be some mistake and that I scored well above what was necessary to get my Basic Certificate.

And while talking to Dear, Sweet, Wonderful, Mark. I realized the Name on the Certificate was...

Earl R.Wilson

I double checked the Paper work. Everything else had MY NAME on it.
So after Mark laughed at me for the better part of at least 10 minutes.
I called the North Carolina Office of Emergency Medical Services (NCOEMS).

I regaled my tale of the conniption fit. To which the first very nice lady I spoke with, lauged at me for yet another 10 minutes and she transferred me to someone who could actually help me.

The second very nice lady humored me and listened to my story and laughed for only 8 mins and proceeded to verify my information. Confirmed that my test score was quite adequate for the EMT-Basic Certification. She proceeded to print out another Certificate, verified my mailing address and She said it will be mailed out today!

This all happened on my lunch break.. So OF COURSE I went back to work and informed everybody I work with that the state of North Carolina is under the impression that I have opted for Sex reassignment surgery and changed my name to Earl.

So in the end of all things. I don’t know exactly how the mix up happened but, I do know that Mr. Earl will be recieving a nice phone call from the NCOEMS advising him of the Certificate flub. I wonder if he will get as big a laugh out of this, as I have.

So Ya’ll The Moral of the story is this...

...

Well... There really isn’t one!

Go ahead..
Call me Earl.

Later Taters.

24 Feb 08 Sunday Birthday Adventure and all sorts of Mischief

2008-09-05T15:54:00.000-07:00

Another year rolls by and Tricia is another year older. For those of you that didn't know; February 22nd was my 29th (for the 1st time) birthday. Anyway. I had plans of grandeur for my birthday cus this is the end of my 20's as I know it. so BRING IT ON! I had no Idea what I wanted to do.. Last year's birthday sucked for reasons I will not go into. But I was bound and determined to make this year way better.. It was my birthday Damnit!

So anyway. I took that Thursday and Friday off for vacation. There was no way I was going into the office, UNH UH!! So Thursday I took my Grandma and Aunt to a doctor's appointment. and For My Birthday My aunt got me a Stethoscope and my grandma got me a Blood Pressure Cuff. That was the first time in a really really long time that I got something that (1) I wanted and (2) asked for. so Yeah.. I was bouncing around like a 5 year old on Christmas morning... I was checking blood pressures all day and checking pulses.. Oh it was great.
So anyway Friday (MY BIRTHDAY) rolls in and (1) It's Pay Day and (2) Uncle Sam left a present in my bank account! WOO HOO!!! So Friday morning I run around and pay bills and go grocery shopping!

A couple of Nights before I was talking to my friend Brian. He needed to go to Raleigh that Friday to purchase a Goat for his son to participate in 4 H. I asked him why he needed a goat because Brian has a whole flock of sheep. And he said that all the kids need to have the same type of animal and his son can't be an oddball with the only lamb in the bunch. And he asked if I would like to ride with him to pick up this goat, so I was like "Ok... My birthday is Friday and Yeah... I need some adventure on my birthday.."

Let me tell you this!
WHENEVER A GOAT IS ENVOLVED THERE IS BOUND TO BE ADVENTURE!

Ok so I was runnin around Friday payin all my bills and I left around 3 to meet Brian at his house so we could go to Raleigh... We didn't have to pick up the goat until 6:00. We got to Raleigh an hour early... cus "Who was the Navigator?" I WAS!!! anyway... So we loafed at a dunken donuts for about 30 mins or so cus Traffic was Absolutely Terrible!

Well we get to these people's house.. You know the Location of the Goat. and It is a wonderful family. Mom, Dad, 2 kids and Goat in tow. They bring out the Cutest little Pigmy goat you ever did see. Brian's son had previously thought of naming this goat Butter cup.. and it would have been a fitting name. Anyway.

Well the kids are holding the goat because they want to say good bye. (remember this is a cute little pigmy goat) and the parents had gone inside to get some paperwork for this goat. and all of a sudden the Goat jumps out of the kids arms and is in the Neighbors yard. The dad comes out of the house... and says. "Oh this is Not good... This is NOT GOOD." Well the dad and the 2 kids try to do this whole triangle thing around the goat.. That doesn't work. and Let me tell you... this little goat can MOVE! I don't think I ever saw it's feet touch the ground! This goat ran like HELL!!! It did a loop around the circle of houses bolted down the street. Crossed another street, bound into some other people's back yard and jumbed a creek that was running through it.

THAT GOAT WAS GONE..

By this point Brian is looking like he is going to cry and is asking me.. "Tricia, What am I gonna do. My 5 year old son is expecting this goat. I have already gotten him signed up for this little 4 H thing and confirmed with the lady who heads this up that we have a goat lined up. Oh Lord I can NOT go home with out this goat!" To which I reply. "I believe that we will catch this goat! We will NOT be leaving Raleigh tonight with out this GOAT!"
Keep in mind that during all this we are only about 4 blocks away from Six Forks road in Raleigh... If you are not familliar with the area... It is a really really busy road in Raleigh!
Well anyway.
We chase this goat down for about an hour. The dad and kids had taken off through the woods somewhere. and actually the Dad lost his shoes in the process of Running down this goat!..
Anyway.
We are following the Mom around in Brians truck, trying to find this goat. and by the time we get back to the house, the Dad and Kids have returned with the goat! The dad puts the goat in the pet carrier in the back of Brian's truck, We talk, and laugh about the experience for a little bit and head on home. By this point Brian and I are thinking up new names for this goat cus Butter cup simply will NOT do. I said How bout Flasharella? He said ya know that could work. So we get back to Brians house. And tell everybody about the adventure we had been on! and His son LOVES the name Flasharella! I told him it is because that little pigmy goat moves faster than a bolt of lightening! and Oh He just loved it!

I have never seen a 5 year old boy so proud of a goat in all my life... He and Flasharella the goat will get along wonderfully or atleast I hope so.

Then I went home and had a drink! (cus after a night of chasing a goat around a major metropolitan area who doesn't?)

So I had My birthday adventure. It is still hillarious.. and Brian and I will probably be in our 70's still laughing about chasing that damn goat!

Later taters.

Tricia

08 Feb 08 Friday Yeah!!! I finally Have Toilet Paper!!!

2008-09-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

Oh CAN YOU IMAGINE!!! a Week with out Toilet Paper....

Let me tell you...
I have been sufferin!!!
Paper towels are not the best experience in the world but Hey... It beats sand paper (otherwise known as Scott Tissue).

Yeah..
It's sad...
I have been that broke...
But ya know what!
All that overtime the last 2 weeks came in handy. I came out ahead on my budget!!!

I am so excited... The only "Bill" I have left to pay now is Filling up the gas tank in my truck.. and with gas being a Whopping $2.84 a gallon. I am hoping I can get away with a $43.50 gas charge on my card instead of the typical $45
My hopes are not that High!
Can you Imagine the Mock Excitement in my voice as I type this... It's called Sarcasm for those of you that didn't know.

On to Other random Topics that have come up this week.. Not all of which in the Order that they happened.
I won $6 bux off a $1 scratch off yesterday. W()()T
So technically I did win the Lottery!!

I got a Commendation today at work.. I really hope I wasn't being QA'ed by a male on this call cus I had to insult Male Intelligence to get the Lady laughing. She actually admitted to me that when she called in she was all up on a High Horse and when she found out her husband was runnin up a massive long distance bill... Her Ego was quickly deflated. Well I told her that men sometimes just aren't that bright. and I issued her a credit... She told my boss to give me a raise!
Will it happen?
Highly Doubtful!
If the company I worked for really listened to our customers... I would be a friggin Millionaire!!!

On Monday Night... I passed My final written exam for my EMT-B class. Is that really a suprise being I studied my ass off for it... and Still more studying to do because the State Board is coming up!! I just hope I don't stress over it like I did before my SAT's in High school... I stressed so bad about that.. I ended up with the flu the day of the SAT's and having to take it Doped up just so I could breath.. and then I fell asleep during the Math portion of the test..
Hence Why I am doing the community college route! But by no means am I knocking Community college.. People who go that route really really really work their ass off for their degree. Versus people who go to some major University out of the fact that their parent's donated a butt-load of money to get them in the school!

But I digress

Back on topic...

I am looking forward to Class in the morning. Being it is the final Final class of this Instructional period. We have our scope of practice exam which Donnie went ahead and let us know wouldn't count toward our final grade. but we have to stay at the school until we get it right.. and class is over at 5pm tomarrow!!! I'm gonna miss all of my buddies who have been strapping me down to the back board for the last 6 months. It feels like the end of an era. ::Sigh::

Other Happenings On.

I have decided! that I am gonna start a group called the "Stank Eye Mafia!" in Honor of My dear sweet wonderful friend Michelle who will no longer be living across the parking lot from me. BECAUSE her ass is moving to South Carolina!!!
Anyway... She and I were watching Project Runway the other night... The greatest Episode Yet!!! They had to design outfits for the WWE Diva's to Wrestle in!
OH IT WAS GREAT!!!
Well At some point during the evening of Female bonding over fashion and coffee; Michelle and I had this conversation about smiling with your eyes (you know America's next top model refference) and how Tyra banks can do it with out looking like she is delivering the "Stank Eye"
Then Michelle attempted to "Smile with her eyes"
It was funny!..
Jessica You were Right!
She looked psycho!

OH IT WAS HILLARIOUS!
Then we got to discussing the Movie "The New Guy" and the Crazy eyes. (if you have NOT seen this movie!! YOU NEED TO!) "Stank Eye" and Crazy Eyes are synonimous!!
Well Michelle did the Crazy eye... And I swear to you !!! It was soooo funny!!! It brought a tear to my eye!! I have since taken a picture of her with the "Stank eye" and have vowed on a box of Girl Scout Cookies that I will NOT Post the pic for anybody else to see!
But It has left me wandering! How many friends I have out there who will send me a pic of their Best "Stank Eye" Just Cus I think it would be absolutely Hillarious!!! and It would bring a Smile to my face!!!

This has been a typical week in the Life of Tricia! Please feel free to come out of hiding now. The danger has passed!!!

Later Tater's

30 Jan 08 Wednesday The beginning is the end is the beginning!

2008-09-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Ok.. this is your warning... I'm in a funk... Don't worry... It's just temporary... My funk's usually are.

Anyway. It seems to me that Yet again I am at a precepice. Standing on a cliff overlooking the most spectacular view of ocean. The water a Crystal Emerald green... And yet I am expected to Jump..

The proverbial Leap of Faith.

I really am trying not to be ADD at this moment in time but that is really hard right now... I have already written the closing statement for this blog so when you read it at the bottom just know that it was written before this paragraph... Ya know I wonder if J.K. Rowling went through this when she was writing the Potter series.

Anyway I digress

as usual

Back to my proverbial leap of faith...

2 classes left for my EMT-B certification. The final Written Exam and the Scope of Practice Exam. Then in March I actually take my state board. Woo Hoo... I'm excited. But I wonder is this the right thing for me. I know I can handle it. But I know this isn't the end of the journey... I would absolutely love being a Flight nurse. I have much respect for those in the medical field... I can not be a CNA. I can not clean bed pans and bathe people... It is just not in me... Now give me somebody who is bleeding out. and needs help pronto... Oh.. I can do that!!! I can NOT watch people waste away. It just isn't in me. Hang it up sister.. It ain't happening.
Dare I say it... I care too much!

When standing in the back of an ambulance and putting your training and decision making skills to the test you go on autopilot. and before you know it the call is over and done with and care has been transferred to more qualified personell.

I want to be more qualified personell.
I just wonder what kind of aggrivation I have to go through to get my RN ontop of my Paramedic.

I am not really sure what a flight nurse has to specialize in to become a flight nurse. I do know that there are things that a Paramedic can do that an RN can not do and vice versa. For example. Intubation. Intubation is when your patient can not maintain their airway on their own. and you have to run a endotracheal tube down their throat into lungs where they branch off at the Carina.
Yeah.. It is a bit complicated yet amazingly simple.
EMT-Intermediates and Paramedics can do this (Obviously basic's legally can NOT do this per scope of practice. Even though we are introduced to this in class on a dummy). RN's can NOT intubate people... (yet they get paid more than paramedics) the only other people (to my knowledge) who can do this are Doctor's. Most of the time Anesthesiologists (yeah.. I know I can't spell)

Hey mabey I should be a doctor.

I rearranged my music again.. added some new stuff and took away some links that arent working. Ya'll know me by now.. Music is my life. It is the beat of my heart. And generally I can find stuff that really fits my mood. Hence why I titled this blog "The beginning is the end is the beginning." I love the smashing pumpkins.. and that song really more or less described where I am at this moment in my life.

Maybe it is also that I am in denial about the bag of Cheese puffs sitting on my desk.

27 Nov 07 Tuesday You know you are having a good week when....

2008-09-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

I know it's only Tuesday... but so far I am having a Pretty Banging Week!

Yestday being Monday... I was thinking.. Oh great.. It's Monday. another day another dollar... But most of the customers I dealt with were pretty kewl yesterday... I even had one guy who let his little Mini Pincher Serenade me.. Oh that just sent my mood soaring yesterday.. and ofcourse Class last night... Cus yall All KNOW I love my EMT-B class

Well today... Most of the customers I had today were still pretty kewl... I got to have geeky conversations about computers... and other generalized stuff. and The kewlest thing ever... I GOT TO TALK TO THE GEICO GECKO GUY!
Ok... So how great was that???
I think it was AWESOME!

and Of course I come home all happy to relax and just chill and yet again Im Chillin up here on myspace.. and what do I hear on Jessica's page but the happiest song I have ever heard!!! Catch My Disease by Ben Lee.. I had forgotten how much I liked that song... So of course I promptly downloaded it and have been listening it to over and over again.. Cus Ya'll know me... I love my happy songs!!!

I hope this week keeps going like it's going... I am lovin it... and this song is really helping me be positive!!!

ok.. gotta take a happy dance break!!!

I really do wish I knew how to add this song to this blog... this song really is infectious... well then again it is called "Catch My Disease"
Oh Its Great...

Im gonna go on and keep on dancin!!!

Ya'll have fun.. I'm out!

Tricia

10 Nov 07 Saturday Stairway to Heaven

2008-09-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

You know, It's strange. You all know that I have been taking this EMT-B class..
Whats really funny.. All those who were really close in my life were like Tricia? Honey? Are you sure? You cringe when we talk about medical stuff? One of my best friends Jay was like GO FOR IT!! I'm Behind you. THANK YOU JAY! He never for 1 second doubted that I could do this and of course I can't forget Jenny... The one who Loves her Horror Movies. NO I STILL CAN NOT WATCH GHOSTSHIP! But she is also behind me 110% to whom I must say THANK YOU!

I have prided myself in passing the tests and doing all the book work... The closer I got to My Ride Alongs (Clinicals or Praticals whatever you want to call it) the MORE excited I got. and Now that I am done with the ride alongs, I am saddened.. I can't technically practice everything until I get my credentials. I have deffinatley decided I AM GOING TO GO ALL THE WAY! I WILL BE A FULL FLEDGED PARAMEDIC!

Yes.. At 28 years old I have finally figured out what I am meant to do! Am I meant to stay on the phones and get cussed out by people all day? HELL NO... I am meant to go Riding into the Night BLUE LIGHTS FLASHING!! TO SAVE LIVES!!

THAT IS FOR ME!
Well maybe it also helps that I am listening to Led Zepplin right now. You can't beat the old school stuff...
I started my ride alongs on Thursday. I went home that night and it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I cried... The first time in a long time... My boyfriend cracked a joke about transporting a medical patient when I could have been on a wreck scene.. and I went off on his ass. We were transporting Dialysis patients. and I snapped Crazy on him. I told him I was thankful for the experience. Nothing is more humbling to see than helping a patient who can barely help themselves. I feel for people who are on dialysis. You know they are in Bad shape. When your renal system shuts down and you can no longer filter out the toxins in you blood stream... then you have some serious problems!!!
Today was a bit easier on me. I can deal with the stress. I can load somebody up and I can haul em to the hospital or dialysis if need be.. BUT NEVER CRACK A JOKE WITH ME ABOUT THE SERIOUSNESS OF A CALL! You too will have your head bitten off, chewed up and spit back on your neck! AND it will NOT be pretty!

That is all for now..
Later Taters!

Tricia :)

02 Nov 07 Friday Weirdest Dream Ever!

2008-09-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Weirdest Dream Ever!

OMG..
I have soooooooo got to tell yall about the Dream I had last night...

I dreamt I flew to L.A. to meet Britney Spears. Her mom picked me up from the Airport and She acted like she had known me forever!!! Like I grew up w Britney or something... It was a really messed up Dream!... Any way I get to Britney's house and she is all like La La La in her own world Worse than what she has been on the News... and her mom was like Please Talk to her We have tried everything to get her to act right and nothing has worked... So Im like OK...
I sit Britney Down in a chair.. and Im like Honey... You need to wake up. You need to see that your little world is no longer a safe place and face reality! It was kinda like that scene in Pink Floyd's the wall after he had Overdosed and they were trying to get him ready for his concert. During the whole dream she just kinda stared off into space (I'm really suprised there was no drool being how in depth the dream was).. You know like somebody in a hospital who has lived through a Traumatic Head Wound.
anyway after the conversation with an Alert Comatose Britney Spears. Her mom said thank you and we were getting ready to go back to the Air port and this is when Kevin Federline shows up... THAT MAN IS EVIL! I mean you could just see it all over him... In the dream I figured out that he is the cause of Britney's Im off in La La Land Trip! like he has been slipping something to her in her Drink. I don't know. So I tell her mom about it and she was like there is really nothing we can do about him because of the kids. and Right before we leave for the Airport He attempted to hit on me... Oh NO! thats when I woke up..

Needless to say.. I was cringing and trying not to puke from this dream...
I really do wonder if this dream is a reflection of things going on in my real life?
Especially being I have never met Britney Spears nor do I have any desire to do so.

any suggestions or interpretations to the meaning of this dream will be much appreciated.

Thanks
Tricia

16 Oct 07 Tuesday Oi Vay!

2008-09-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

whew... What a week is going by.. I am holding a steady 93 average in Class!!! Go Me... Who is the Uber Nerd? I AM!!! I made a 93 on the first test... made a 93 on the second test... and my average adherance at work is a 93 hmmm Im thinking this is a Universal sign to play the Lotto! but what would the 3rd be?

I'm chillin listening to some House.. Not my usual style... I'm more of a Trancy person. but this isnt typical Drag Queen house either. It's nice to not stress about everything under the sun. but just wait till the week before Nov 5th... My next test.. I will be back to freaking out all over again... I'm telling ya... I'm loving this Type A personality complex I got. It won't be long before my relaxed personality and my Inner Control freak clash again... Eh.. Until then.. Eat Drink and be Merry!

Later taters.

10 Oct 07 Wednesday The Next Test!

2008-09-05T15:33:00.000-07:00

Ok.. Had another test tonight... Not feeling too confident right now. Sure I studied.. but there is A LOT to remember about Oxygen tanks and stuff like that... I was EXPECTING patient assessment! and I swear to you I could not remember the Liter Flow for a NASAL CANULA!! I feel like an idiot! cus those questions were barney. and now Im kicking my own ass!!! even after 2 beers! just think... If I hadnt had the 2 beers I'd be in the middle of the floor with a Panic Attack!

Ok Im gonna go curl up in a corner and rock back and forth now...

Later taters

25 Sep 07 Tuesday Another Tuesday passes

2008-09-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

Oh the D-RAM-A

Or lack there of.

I went to class last night. We did some book work and a little bit of practical work. No Biggie! Came home. Pouted cus I missed Heroes! Yes Ya'll I am a weenie!
Then I went to bed.
I woke up this morning to some fairly good news about My fave japanese anime is getting English dubbing and will be airing on adult swim. Got ready for work.. No big whoop there. Went to work. Toiled through the day. Enjoyed many varied conversations about many varied topics. Had an interview for a development position.
Here is the funny part. I don't care if I get the position. I mean seriously I really could care less. I have got so much on my plate right now. Sure it would be nice to be off the phones for 6 months and yeah... I may get the opportunity to fly out to Kansas on a couple of occassions. But if it interferes with my prolonged plans I would rather not even bother. Here is the really funny part. I kicked that Interviews ass! It strikes me as funny because every other previous position I have wanted and desired and prayed and begged for I haven't gotten. but this one. The one I could care less one way or the other, is the one that the interview process was the easiest for. Yes they were 10 decently hard questions but ya know. Im not worried.
I think I have learned the wonderful lesson of No Stress. Relaxation is Key. The "I quite simply can not be bothered" attitude will get you far in the world.

I then finished out my shift until 7:00 pm having more varied conversations and at decreasing levels of interest. The closer to 7 it got. The more disinterested I was. I know that sounds terrible. But for GOD's Sake! I am a proffessional TALKER! Even I have to have a break every now and then.
Most people would probably love to hear me say.. "I'll shut up now!"
That doesn't mean it is gonna happen!
7 rolls around, and I roll out! Here is where the real adventure starts. I stop by the mail box before I get home and I realize that amidst all the junk that Uncle Sam is yet again trying to dip into my pockets. Damn Truck Taxes! Sure it's only 60 bux.. BUT DAMNIT! It's MY 60 BUX! He can't have it! Atleast Not yet anyway!
I come home.
I prepare supper.
It was a lovely Tomato Soup bisque thing.
I had all the veggies all chopped up and I was moving it to another counter when the GINORMOUS spider decides it wants to come traipsing out from behind my microwave like "Hey I own the place." To which I replied with an EEK or a Squeal of some sort and promptly started banging the counter with a can of tomato soup base. It was not a pretty picture. AND I WAS DOING SO WELL NOT FREAKING OUT TODAY! I walked out of the kitchen and made Bliss go and clean up the spider remains off the counter, because by this point I was thuroughly Grossed out!

I did find the strength to re-enter the kitchen once I knew the Spider was no more. I finished my little tomato soup bisque thing. It was quite yummy.
and now I am up here typing out this blog.

Heh Another Tuesday for the record books.

Tricia.

23 Sep 07 Sunday Alls well that ends well

2008-09-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

The past 24 hours have been an emotional roller coaster for me... I'm not exactly sure why. I guess you could say it was a fairly boring roller coaster ride. I spend most of my days fairly anxious over just about anything... Cus you all know me... Im the classic Type A personality. When I came across this realization I was like "Oh God! I'm an AssHole!" to which my friends reassured me that I am not.. but anyway I digress! Anyway. Yesterday was fairly uneventful. I woke up. I ate breakfast. I HAD NO COFFEE! hmmm thats not like me! and I began cooking and cleaning and feeling guilty for not studying. Go ahead.. Ask me what DCAP-BTLS stands for... I sure as hell (at this point anyway) can't tell you. Even though I should be able to!
Yet again I digress. Yesterday I was feeling kinda blah about life. Just bored with everything even although the meal I cooked for dinner was pretty kick ass.. I am getting so domesticated... Aren't ya'll proud of dear sweet not so young anymore Tricia? He He He.
Yet again I digress again (wow that was repetative!)
Well today. I promised my G-ma that I would visit her. So I did. And My mood took an upswing. I had to drive from Tarboro to Grimesland. Let me tell ya... I did NOT know that it was necessary to build a draw bridge over a swamp! I learned something new about this wonderful place called North Carolina! I have come to the firm conclusion that North Carolina has got to be the most unique place on the planet. I was driving through the country. Which let me tell you if you don't already know... There is A LOT of it here! and anybody from here knows that most of Eastern North Carolina is Swamp and Farm Land!
It is aprox a 45 min to an hour drive 1 way to Grimesland. And that is alotting time to get lost and find yourself! Which is quite easy to do. And Yall know me... I gots to have my Road Tunes!. I started out listening to Lily Allen. Cus that is my latest kick... If yall havent heard of her... I highly recommend that yall check her out.. Her song Smile is the greatest! and Alright Still is a Damn Good Album.. If you are in a low point the CD just boosts you! It kinda gives off a level of Cockyness so to speak... I LOVE IT!!!!! Thank you Dr. J. for introducing me to her music!
On the way home I was listening to my ATB mix. which the first song was previously on my page.. If you missed it... Too Bad...

On the way home. I just felt this overwhelming since of peace and happiness. I knew that everything was gonna be alright. These two dudes were riding bikes behind me when I looked back The first time; they were like 2 miles off. I thought they were a car.. I looked back a little while later and you could tell it was 2 bikes. and then the next thing you know they were right up on me... so I stuck my arm out the window and waived em on past. and as they were passing one of em popped a wheelie... For some strange and odd reason.. That brought the biggest grin to my face!.. And that is when the realization hit me that I wish I had that kind of Freedom. To be able to release all inhibitions and go for it!

I get home. I'm all elated from my nice little drive in the countryside! and I remembered a VIDEO I saw on VH1 last night... Yes incase yall DIDN'T know. VH1 does show video's after like 2 am! Yeah.. You pretty much need to be a night owl to catch it.. but occassionally I do catch it. I ran across the new Silver Chair song... Straight Line which I promptly went to my compy and downloaded (once I got home from Grimesland) and I have had it on repeat ever since and its on my page if you want to listen... I am trying to download the rest of the CD but apparently the rest of it hasn't been released on the net yet.
I don't know why but this song really just speaks volumes about where I am in my life right now. Even though some of the lyrics are kinda out there. I get it tho.. I guess thats really all that matters.

Any way Taters...
Im OUT!

19 Sep 07 Wednesday Life is Good

2008-09-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

Life is Good!
I went to class Monday night and got my grade on my first test. I made a 92! I was excited!. It was 1 point away from an A. I could deal with that. Well on Monday we wanted to go over our grades and the questions we missed. So tonight we got the opportunity to do that. and Our Instructor(s) SO ROCK! He was going over our test and he didnt agree with a couple of the questions due to various changes in Methods and procedures and his general experience as an EMT! . So... My grade got bumped UP from a 92 to a 93! I am now officially at an A average. All because things change. I wasn't the only one who benefitted from this. Everybody in the class got an extra point added to their grade!

W00T!

LIFE IS SOOOOOOOO GOOD

22 Jul 07 Sunday The Harry Potter Weekend is complete at around 22 hours

2008-09-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Give or take it took me less than a full day to read this book.
It is like 1:20 am and I received the book around 1:00 pm on Saturday the 21st and I read and read took a bathroom break, made a pot of coffee put dinner in the crockpot (crockpots come in handy when it is your turn to cook and you have heavy reading to do!) read read and read some more. Took another couple of bath room breaks cus Damn Coffee will make you Pee!

Now Im all excited cus I read the book and Now I can't talk about it!!!

THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 Jul 07 Friday The Harry Potter Marathon Weekend Begins! Or maybe not yet.

2008-09-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

I WILL GET MY BOOK TOMARROW! Yeah.. I'm slightly bummed I was hoping to get it today but apparently UPS decided to deliver it to USPS and then USPS will deliver it to my Mail box Tomarrow Morning between 11am and 1 pm Yep... I will be camping out by the mailbox in the morning talking about come on Mr. Postman like type person! Well atleast it gives me time to re re re re read book 6... I thought it had came earlier today but as it turns out.. that was just my replacement modem.

2nd in a month.

Bliss opened the old modem up and aparently when they were putting it together they used a humongous blob of Glue hince why it was smelling like OZONE all up in my apartment. and let me tell you people... Ozone does NOT smell good!.. as a matter of fact, it is rather stinky! so Yeah.. Bliss is all happy cus we got the new modem but I am still having to be patient as the Hours Dwendle down between me and my Harry Potter Asphyxiation

I think I shall go and sulk now. and re re re re read boook HBP

Later Taters

PS
Sure thing CareBear you can barrow my Copy depending on when I finish it... Im predicting Tuesdayish now. ( you know gotta allow time for digestion of the material) and Depending on if Deborah has gotten a copy by Monday. (I think she will crack under the pressure to get her own copy) cus I told her I would let her barrow it when I was done. I can prolly get it to you in about a week or so.

19 Jul 07 Thursday This is an Awesome week!

2008-09-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

Ok.. so check this out... I Stomped the shit outa my placement test for the EMT class I am taking starting August 20th... I needed a 244 or something and I made a 262 so YEAH.. I ROCK!

and

I ordered Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows like a Month Ago.. I do love Amazon.com Pre-Order. well It was $17 and some change plus $3.99 standard shipping. I checked Amazon today and I already have a tracking and when I checked UPS.com It showed that My book was in Transit to Rocky Mount like Right NOW... I'm almost willing to bet that I will be holding a copy of HARRY POTTER and the Deathly Hallows a whole Day Early! Michelle says it won't happen! Oh... But It Will.

If some asshole book reviewer from the New York Times can get their copy almost a week in advance and release a review 2 days ( I read part of the Review and stopped myself before It ruined any of the plot... DAMN YOU NEW YORK TIMES! DAMN YOU TO HELL FOR RUINING IT!!!!) before the book is even supposed to be released then I KNOW I can get my copy 1 DAY early!

If yall don't hear from me for a couple of days. Ya'll will know it is because I have locked my self in my room and absolutely refuse to come out until I finish this book!

Later Taters

PS.. Yeah... I'm a DORK!

15 Jul 07 Sunday Fractions are the DEVIL!

2008-09-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well Yall Tomarrow is my placement test for Edgecombe Community College. I am going back for the Basic EMT class and Yes of course I have to pass the placement test. Well most of you who know me.. Know I hate Math.!!! So today My dear sweet Wonderful Boyfriend helps me with Fractions. I hate Fractions. Fractions are the DEVIL! I swear its true. But you know what. I conquered it! I really did. Sure it has been in Excess of 5 years since I have Added, Subtracted, Multiplied or for that matter Divided a fraction. but I did it today and I did it a lot of times... You know... just to make sure the info sunk in. Wish me luck yall cus I'm Pretty sure that tomarrow I will be freaking out! Cus Y'all Know me.. I look for any reason at all to go spastic! Hell It doesnt even have to be a good reason!

01 Jul 07 Sunday at this moment...

2008-09-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

wonder.

I wonder why I feel so stagnent. I feel like I am running in place on a tredmill. Or like a Hamster on a wheel (Damn I'm such a rockingly HOT Hamster) anyway. This week has been full of ups and downs. My grandma went into the hospital for Pnemonia brought on by heart failure. and they sent her home after 2 days because they said that Medicare wouldnt pay for another day... then she went home 2 days ago.. and Now she is back in the hospital.. I love hospitals.. I really do.. (too bad this is a blog because the tone of voice in my head sounds very facetious) She is supposed to call me when they finally move her from the Emergecy Room to an actual hospital room. so yeah... stress creeps over me again!

I know there is nothing I can do. It is pointless to worry because all that is gonna do is land me in the ER w a panic attack. but then again telling me not worry is like telling a rock to not be a rock.

Alas it time for me to go do whatever.. have fun taters.

04 Jun 07 Monday I Feel Good Today!!!

2008-09-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

Ya know. It has been a Long time since I woke up in the Morning And said I FEEL GOOD TODAY!
Well Most of yall know I am NOT a morning person to begin with.. The Current time as I am writing this is 6:45 am and I have been up since around 4-4:30 ish. I tried and tried and tried to go back to sleep... I went to bed aprox 9 last night... So what is up with my sleep pattern. I do not know. But at this point who cares... All I can say Is I FEEL GOOD!!!! (yes James Brown is playing in my head right now!)

It is amazing to me. after all the Drama I have been through. It doesnt matter anymore. I can HONESTLY say at this point I could care less. It no longer involves me. I have said my piece and if Nobody wants to listen then that is their problem! Sadly it's thier butts on the line.. But you know what.. It's not mine. I can do no more. and I will NOT stick my butt on the line for someone else.

And that is why I feel Like a MILLION BUX ( I wish I had a million bux!)

I woke up and the chip was off my shoulder. I thank Diety above for this grand awakening! I have no regrets! and I feel like I could Fly.. (Fabulously gay duo.. I mean that in a good way!)

Still got 2 hours before work!
I think I might actually wear Make up today!

Later Taters!
Im out

25 May 07 Friday The Stupid just get stupider (er er er er er)

2008-09-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

Update on the stupid Bitch and King Size DUMBASS!!!

Thier 3 year old set my grandma's house on fire!
Check this out!
At aprox 3 or 4 pm this afternoon the stupid bitch was not watching her 3 year old and he got hold of a cigarette lighter and commenced to torching the back bedroom in my Grandmothers home! Everyone escaped ok and the fire department arrived in time to centralize the fire to just the one room so the house is not at a total loss!!! HOWEVER!
The damage is Done.. I have called child protective services for the sheer fact that she should have been watching her child and for this type of neglect she should be held criminally accountable!

I have no apologies for calling the DSS! Stupid Crazy Bitch should have known better! My dear uncle Danny (whom I am usually at odds with) and I have joined forces because for once in our lives we have the same common goal of getting these crazy & stupid people out of my grandma's house. He came over to my house after arriving home to see all the damage (that he was NOT notified of for other various reasons such as being out of town) asking what the Hell happened! I told him and I advised him of what I have done because I want this stupid bitch to be held Criminally accountable for her Neglect of her children and the Torching of My grandmothers house! My family has already been through enough drama! I E: Hurricane Floyd 1998 She lost her house then. This is her new house. What more kind of stress can you ask a 74 year old woman to endure with Grace and Dignity!!!

I love My Grandma! I do! She is My rolemodel and My Hero! She has a big heart? What kind of Repayment is this?

19 May 07 Saturday Why on Gawd's Green Earth?

2008-09-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

Why On Gawds Green Earth Am I HAUNTED BY STUPID PEOPLE???

Please somebody answer this for me! Is it for the Sheer Fact that I actually display some Semblance of living my life with common sense??? I don't know.

Ok here is the situation. Crazy bitch that my grandma has taken in out of the kindness of her heart Who is Moochin like HELL!!!! wants to run up all the fucking bills.. (Im so pissed I cant even TYPE!) and not have anything said to her about it... Well I SAID SOMETHING! This is MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE!!! Not CRAZY BITCH'S

Well ofcourse she doesn't say anything to me about how I have offended her She POPS OFF at the Mouth to Her Big DUMB ASS BABY DADDY!!! (No they are not married but have 3 kids together and she is knocked up with # 4) and her biological mama. (Long Story there!) And He calls ME Fussing at me cus he has supposedly paid the phone bill at my grandmas house for the past 6 months. PEH! What ever ... I hung up on his 300 + pound Dumb ass because NOBODY TALKS TO ME IN THAT MANNER! Especially when they have NO RIGHT TO DO SO!!! MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you about dumb ass over here for a sec!!! This Mother fucker is fucking dumb as hell ( I would use the term Retarded but that would seriously insult some people out there) Dumb Ass gets Paid! he works all over the country doing Construction work for odd and end places. He refuses to PAY HIS CAR PAYMENT so he can get his kids an X-BOX... Which is more important??? Transportation or a FUCKING XBOX? Check this out.. Dumb Ass, Crazy Bitch, Bun in Oven, 3 kids and My grandma where at the Grocery store.. THE CAR WAS REPOED WHILE THEY WERE IN THE FUCKING STORE.

OK PLEASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME THE LOGIC HERE!!!

Is it just me that knows this but if you dont pay your car payment ... the car gets repoed???

I MEAN REALLY HOW BRIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO BE?

Anyway this blog could go on longer... But I don't want to bore you w all the details!

Blog Catchup

2008-09-05T14:51:00.000-07:00

I had taken a Hiatus from blogger because most of my readers were on myspace. Well now myspace wants to be a little bitch and constantly lock me out of my account so I am posting all of my stuff from the past year and a half or so I am moving it over here.

So There!!

Take that Stupid Myspace!

Another Year All the More Wiser

2007-02-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

It has descended upon me!

The Shekinah Glory has opened the heavens and shown upon my face and I am wiser. If not for wear then what. I must admit that past few months have been jam packed with many different things which is why I have been ever so Massively slack in not writing about the dull drum of everyday life. I have learned something very valuable through all this tho!

To achieve balance in life you MUST learn to walk the fence. Here is my deal.... I am either totally and completely stagnant or I am running around in a Gazillion different directions. Hee Hee Hee!!

Never a dull moment with Tricia!

I took in my cousin who has the I'm 18 syndrome... you know the one. Every word that comes outa their mouth is I'm 18 I know every fucking thing on the face of this planet" Here are the lessons I learned from that..

1. I never want to procreate (and yes I do have a back up plan in the event that I actually do Procreate! It's called the Military School Fund) It's quite interesting... You should ask me about it later!!!

2. There is nothing you can do for the 18 year old that said 18 year old can not do for themselves and when they fall down. Laugh your ass off at them and frequently use the words I told you so!!! It really pisses them off!!!

3. 18 year olds are extremely hard headed... I mean REALLY! Solid granite is like jello instant pudding in comparison to the head of an 18 year old!

4. You can attempt to make things easy for the 18 year old and you can break it down "Barney Style" but said 18 year old will make things complicated for themselves. You will not need to fool the 18 year old because their own world of illusion will fog all simblance of judgement. Oh and God FORBID they are Overly Emotional!

Basic synopsis of the situation which lead me to these conclusions. My cousin moved in with me. We shall lovingly refer to him as the Runt! He has a prior history of being overly emotional. What teenager isn't? I knew that. He also has a prior history with Drugs and Alcohol! Yet again I say. Who doesn't? He wanted to go back to school so I pushed him to. He went back to school but he wasn't doing the level of work required to maintian his grades. His progress reports were sloppy. The stuff he actually bothered to turn in was A material, Yet due to laziness he didn't turn in much else and was barely making D's. He was supposed to find a job. He would turn in applications, but would not follow up on the applications. Then he made the ULTIMATE mistake! He brought Illegal substances into MY HOUSE!

At that point I was TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THROUGH!
He knew the rules before he moved in. He knew he had to make an effort to succeed. He slacked, and then just out and out gave up. He is now back home with Grandma!
Obviously he has some self esteem issues going on there and I can't tell him how to get over his issues. He has to do that for himself! I wish it had turned out differently. But I will not give up hope that he will get it right.

I do try to help people. I really do but here is the catch! You have to want to help yourself. You can not walk through life depending on the kindness of strangers or family either for that matter! Ultimately YOU HAVE TO COVER YOUR OWN ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE ELSE WILL DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know... I know... I'm Harping now!

The Highland Games in Richmond Virginia!

2006-10-30T00:39:00.000-08:00

Ok... Here Goes... I'm gonna do my best to describe this experience!
Pics are Posted on my page... Ya'll should check out the Slide Show!!! And the Music I have on my page goes Great With it too!!!
Anyway I digress!
Ok... We Get there and we see Guys in Kilts Everywhere... I have never in My life seen so many straight Men in Skirts!
It was GREAT! (atleast until the Wind started blowing, then I started getting worried!)
Well for some strange and odd reason. Men feel the Neccesity to do "Manly" things whilst wearing a Kilt. And by "Manly Things," I mean strange things Flying throught the Air.
The First Event!I have no Idea what it is called because we got there half way through that portion of the competition.
A Big Huge Chunk of Metal attached to a Metal Ring that they have to toss over a bar that is atleast 15 ft over their Heads... Personally I'm thinking who is gonna be the first guy the get clonked in the head from this big Metal thingy he is trying to toss over this pole! and the Rules are... It can Not Hit the Pole it has to go OVER THE POLE
The second Event was the Hammer Toss! The hammer in NO WAY looked like a Hammer!!! The Hammer, as they called it, was a 22 pound Metal Ball amazingly attached to a 3 or 4 foot Rattan rod! (I really couldnt tell how long the stick was cus I was sitting so far back) to which they would grind their spikey cleated feet into the ground and comence to swinging it around in a circle like a semi-perpendicular helocopter!
Unlike the Olympics where the atheletes themselves can spin to get momentum. The scotts make everything harder. Hello!! They did invent GOLF! (I still dont understand the point of that one!)
Anyway I digress!
So these guys are standing in one spot Cleats dug into the ground to make sure they don't fly away or something and they launch this thing across the field... and When I say Launch... I mean this stick and ball Combination flies like you wouldn't believe!
At this particular point the Announcer decides to chime in... and he says. "This is NOT an Audience Participation Event. If this thing decides to Fly into the stands Please just ditch the wife and kids and run like HELL!"
After he said that I figured he would be sleeping on the couch for a week.
The winner of this event Launched "The Hammer" 105 ft & 10 in
Go Him... He Rocked!
After this The Athletes decided to take a nice break and in came the Openining Ceremony! Let me just say this... If you have never heard Bagpipes played live in person by people who actually know what they are doing. Then you have missed out!
They had Three Different Bagpipe bands lined up that took the field in intervals. Oh... It was MAGNIFICENT! It brought a Tear to my eye... They didn't play Amazing Grace. Thank GOD! (I do believe that would have had me bawling if they had!) I have come to the conclusion that to truly enjoy bagpipes you must witness it being played Live and in person to get the full effect! and Bring Tissue!
After the Opening of the Games The athletes came back out and Proceeded with the Caber Toss. At this point I'm Really thinking that Kilts make men turn into monkey's because they feel this need to fling shit...
The Caber is a 20 ft pole that looks like a tree trunk minus the branches. It weighs aproximately 150 pounds, and the object of this is to Flip this thing 180 degrees. Check the pictures on my sight to get a good visual! Only 1 man succeeded in this. GO HIM!
Many attempted a few got it about 75 degrees to which the crowd was really really hopefull but there was usually a general concensus of "GO GO GO GO GO GO AWWWWWWWWWWWW."
Some time during this Event is when I discovered the True Scottish Legend of the Kilt! It takes 5 men to pick up this Pole and straighten it to a 90 degree angle. The anouncer chimes in and asks for volunteers who are over the age of 18 and semi sober. being this was around noon... Im thinking the request may be hard to fill! well 5 guys volunteered and a couple where wearing kilts. Did I mention that it was Really Really Really Really Really Windy? Cus It WAS Really Really Really Really Really Windy!
Well Some dude wearing a Kilt was bent over helping with the caber... and It happened. The wind blew and the crowd saw the Moon in Broad Daylight! It is True what they say. True Scottsmen don't wear anything under the Kilt!
After Then I looked at My sweetie and his best friend and commenced to Singing...
"I see your Hiney! All Nice and ShineyIt makes me Giggle To see it Wiggle!"
They were amused (especially after 2 big ole cups of Guinness and a bunch of free samples of scotch!)
At this point My boyfriend and I decided to check out the Venderama that was also taking place and I did my best to walk in the mud like a lady. cus God FORBID I land face first in a pile of mud. It had rained the day and night before!
All in all. It was a good time. I witness a decent display of Testosterone! and was thuroughly intrigued by the culture of the event!.
If ever a Highland games comes to your area. I must insist that you go. And have a blast!!!

Cooking the Southern Way!!!

2006-09-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Bless My Heart!!! I am getting Domesticated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some would see this as a bad thing!!... I personally don't think so..

I am a southern woman... and before a southern woman gets married (not like I am planning to anytime soon cus IM NOT!) There are a few things she has to have down pat in the Kitchen!!!

First of All FRIED CHICKEN!!

If you are a woman from the Southern United states... and you don't know how to fry some Chicken... Then that is just a total and complete act of Blasphemy!!! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!
I mastered Fried Chicken almost a Year ago! and many thanks to the Fabulously Gay duo for showing me the Omnipotent wonders of Frying some Chicken!

2nd The ever famous and most popular of all Southern Chicken Dishes!

Chicken & Dumplins!I am on my second batch... The first batch I made about a month ago.. They were good but there was room for improvement!I think I may have it right this time being I am using the best thing ever created in the culinary world!

And do you know what that is???

THE CROCK POT!!!!!!!!!!

Yes sir and Yes Mam!

The Crock Pot is by far the best thing to ever have in your kitchen.. Just pop in the food and walk away for 8 hours... But I gotta admit w chicken and dumplins its a bit more complex than that...
Especially when your usin an old wine bottlle as a rollin pin! Yep.. I went back woods with it...

My boyfriend thinks its funny that I use a wine bottle. He has told me he will buy me a rollin pin... I dont see that as being necessary. I like my wine bottle! It suits my purposes!

3rd The HOME MADE BISCUIT!

This has taken me many years to learn. and I still dont have it down pat. I have been workin on this one since I was a wee child... well mabey not really a wee child but atleast since I was a teenager...
MY Aunt Mable has them down to a fine art... she doesnt even have to measure her ingredients out anymore... Oh Hell she hasn't had to measure ingredients for atleast a couple of decades now!!! I want to be able to do that...

That is what you call skill...

At least I can say that you cant break a window w my biscuits anymore... and that right there is a MAJOR Improvement. (Don't ask how I know this... Just know that the theory has be tested.)

Cooking the Southern way... It ain't easy but it is Fun! and on that Note... I gotta go check my chicken.

Later Tater's Tricia :o)

The Ultimate Lesson!!!

2006-08-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...

My last post was in May...

I have got to get better about this. I really do.

I am currently baking cookies for a corporate function on the marrow. and yet I have no desire to eat anything what so ever.

Everybody wanders what my secret to weight loss is... (Yes People I am down to a size 6 and shrinking!) My answer is ... "Get stressed out to the point where the sight of food repulses you. and eat minimally." Don't stop eating all together. That's just plain unhealthy! That shit will put your ass in a hospital!

Bump that!

Anyway I digress from the original point of this blog. "The Ultimate Lesson."

As you have guessed My protege - ness continues at the School of Hard Knox. and so far what have I learned?

Most would say absolutely nothing, but I say Nay!

Looking back through the past year...

I have learned who I am.

Most would think that isn't a major accomplishment. Oh but it is... I know so many people right now who have no clue who they are. These people have defined themselves through specific events in their life not by how their character dictated they handled said situation.

I really don't want to get on a soap box here. I pity those who refuse to look inside themselves to see who they truly are. I honestly want to just sit them down and break it down barney style how to find themselves.

Here is the catch.

I have no right to preach.

It took a major epiphany for me to look inside myself, Realize I was strong enough to be super woman, walk through the world with my head held high and realize That Frank Herbert knew what the fuck he was talking about when he said "Fear is the Mind Killer!"

I wish people could see in themselve's what I see in them. I see untapped potential. Potential that can do so many amazing things.

(and if yall are wandering at this point. I am NOT talking about any one specific person.)

I can give advice. However; It will probably fall upon def ears.

I look back over what I have written in the past year, and I think Wow Tricia you have come a long way. You have learned much.

This is the ultimate lesson I have learned.

Love yourself.

I have always said watch your back and cover your ass because nobody else will do it for you. This is the truth plain and simple. Yet it is a hard concept for so many to understand. I grappled with this lesson for a while myself. But ya know. I got it under control.

And it doesnt sound like much but it makes a world of difference

On that note..

I'm Out.

Tricia

World Domination Here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

Check it out ya'll

I have decided... I am gonna run for President... AND WIN!!!!
And why do I hear Nay sayers in my audience??? My platform will be the most unique in all of American Political History. Not to mention, it will also be the only Political Platform based on Common sense and Tricia Inginuity!
I will be President and then I will Take over the world!!!

MWA HA HA HA

My first ever "Elect ME" speech

Hello America,
This is your soon to be leader Tricia. (**This is where you imagine me doing the Big Cheesy Political type Grin**) I say soon to be for the fact that I refuse to play politics. Lets face it. Most of you are fed up with our political system. Republicans and Democrats alike all Bitch entirely too much. My personal belief is this. We put these people in office to do a job. And I don't know exactly how it works up there in Happy DC land but down here in the Real World. If you perform your job poorly or you just don't do it at all. You get FIRED!

Supposedly the American System of Government is under a system of Checks and Balances. Checks (being bounced) mabey?
Balances... HELL NO! Our Government is so Off Kilter it's not even funny. Our last election came down to a choice between a Greasy Used Car Salesman (Kerry) and the Village Idiot (Bush)

Guess who won!

My first proposal upon stepping foot into office! I propose that the American people make Congress Beg for their Jobs. In doing this. They have to account for every penny they have earned while sitting in the Capital. Personally I think they are a bunch of Lazy bastards that don't know how to do a hard day's worth of work! And really the only thing I can decipher that they have been paid to do is Fling shit at each other because they are either Republican or Democrat. I really don't think there were Munki's listed on the Ballot when I voted.. So what is the need for all this Political Mudslinging???
I propose you either come together and see common ground and figure out what is best for the American people Or you pack up your office and Go Back home to what ever state you are supposed to be representing (however all you are actually doing is just giving that state a bad name!!!) and let that state Tar and Feather you!!!

Tarring and Feathering!!! Thats how we Roll DOWN SOUTH!!!
I really do Love STATES RIGHTS!

Dinky things that are Blown Way out of Proportion!

Gay Marriage!!! First of all!! This is #1 A STATES RIGHTS ISSUE!!!
This could only be construed as a Federal issue on the grounds of looking at it from The Civil Rights perspective! But thats a whole nother ball game there!!!

My point is this. Religious NUT JOBS freak out because OMG IT'S A SIN!!! (OK GOING OFF ON AN TANGENT!! first tangent! didnt Jesus say Let he who is with out sin cast the First stone? 2nd tangent Doesnt the Bible also say Judge not lest ye be judged???) If this is the Case what happened to Seperation of Church and State. and Doesn't it say somewhere in the constitution something about the Pursuit of Happiness???

When I become president (notice I said When NOT IF!)
I will make Gay Marriage Perfectly Legal!
Its not my business if Paul wants to marry Bert or if Boonsheekah wants to marry Evelyn! My point is this. Married Couples are Taxed more than Single people. The Goverment is Fucking stupid for not realizing this Earlier on the premise that they are missing out on some serious cash!
Stupid Bastards!!!

Next Issue!!!

I'm so gonna go there!

Yep You know whats coming!

Marijuana!

Legalizing it!

Why you may ask!

There is a whole hell of a lot more you can do with Pot than Smoke it!
Hell its one of the Strongest Fibers in the World! It's a very vercitile plant that can be used for so many things. Stupid Idiots on Capital Hill Need to do their Damn Research and stop trying to brainwash the American Public with Propaganda!

ONE MAJOR ISSUE THAT EVERYBODY HATES

I would suggest one flat tax accross the board!
Like a Federal 2% sales tax on EVERYTHING!

This would do away with those Bastards at the IRS.. Oh and On a side note The only requirement to work for the IRS is that you have NO PERSONALITY what so ever!

Our Government is full of Bireaucratic stupidity! Lets simplify it a little bit people. It's not necessary to have a government that tries to rule every aspect of our lives! I mean REALLY!

And on a Final Note

This whole Moussaoui Trial thing!!! (we are gonna call him Moose! for the sheer fact that I don't feel like having to Retype his name!)

He is the only man to be tried for the Sept 11th attack. He wants us to put him to death, So he can be put on some pedastal and call himself a Martyr. Now I have taken into consideration that the rest of the world would look down on us... But you know what... Fuck that! They can't look down on us anymore than they already do. I personally don't want my tax dollar to feed and clothe this man for the next 40-60 years! Give him his wish and FRY HIS ASS... or better yet. Let the Punishment Fit the Crime! Fly his ass into a Sky Scraper (just empty the Sky Scraper First! ) Let him go out with a BANG!!! I don't think that could be construed as a form of cruel and unusual punishment! Anybody feel like Charbroiling a MOOSE!

Remember Kiddies the only constant in life is Change!!

VOTE FOR TRICIA!!!

Stranded!! WOO HOO

2006-04-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

Ya know It really sux when your planning a trip and your Radiator blows up on you.

Yep I went to Richmond to see the sweetest man that has ever walked the face of this planet. As a matter of fact. I am typing this current issue of my life on his computer , but I digress.
All my friends are pissed at me , or atleast Mikey is anyway. She wants to shoot me.

The Fabulously gay duo were willing to come to my rescue but I figured it would be too much being for them to drive in an area they don't know at 3 am to find me on the side of I95.

And my cell phone died. It died after I had made most of my arrangements for the Roz. I now know to bring my charger with me everywhere.

And Yeah. The sweetest man that has ever walked the face of the planet has seen my ugly spastic side, and yet he has remained the voice of reason through out this whole thing. Bless him. Bless his heart. I know when I get like this I can try my own patience. I know his patience have been thuroughly put through the test.

Im still a bit spastic but not as bad as I was last night and the night before. I'll be honest. I really don't handle stress all that well. Well really it more or less depends on the type of stress it is. I can handle work stress I guess because that is all planned out and expected. But throw something at me that is unplanned that throws a whole kink in my little chain of events. It gets all shot to Hell and I have to start breathing in a brown paper bag.

It has been told to me that Over analyzation is a bitch! No Truer words were ever spoken. And it is totally pointless to Over Analyze something that is completely out of your control. Analyzation is how I keep my brain busy, and it is also how I drive myself and all those who are surrounding me at the time to the brink of Sanity! I don't mean to do it. It just happens. I really need to learn how to breath (which is what the sweetest man to have ever walked the face of this planet says. "in through the Nose... Count to ten... out through the mouth...") Dare I say it. I love this man.

I do. I do love my BLISS!

With that being said.
I am going to light a candle and say a prayer

And to all of you out there . Pray I get home safely.

With love to all and may many blessing rain down upon you

Tricia.

The Attainment of Bliss!

2006-04-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

Ok I know I have posted in a while and it seems as though I have fallen off the face of the planet. OK EVERYBODY
Gimme My last cigarette and stand me in front of the firing squad. I am ready! Or if you prefer to just sit down and let me take my place on my soap box; I shall regale you with the tale of my month of March!!!

HMMMM TOUGH CHOICE HUH?

Well Life is full of choices and I figure if you are still reading: You have decided not to shoot me (Yet!)

I was gonna post a pic here but Blogger wants to be a bitch! Anyway I digress!

I swear The past month has flown by!!! Im gonna have to section this blog off for organizational purposes only. Cus ya'll all know at this point I am majorly anally retentive, and I suffer from a slight case of ADD! Te He!

Section 1 WORK!

Corporate BS at all LEVELS! But CHECK IT OUT. Tricia has learned the finer points of playing office politics. I have put suggestions in the suggestion box on better methods for Hacking and Slashing. Because lets face it... I am all about efficiency! Lets cut some throats, leave the Guts in tact. It saves on the clean up later! WOO HOO. Oh and the Beautiful part all Major Generals involved Listen to me! They actually value my opinion!!! Who'd a Thunk It!?!
I have learned just how full of Bull Shit Atilla the Hun is and learned how to appease her and ignore her all at the same time. Life is Great!
Oh and another work related thingy. I figured out how to get around the the firewall at work. Partially! I can now access the My space sign on page at work and I can access my profile... However. If I type in my user name and Password. the firewall catches it and it won't let me do my happy thing on My space. To which I say BOOOOOOOOOOOO and back to that damn drawing board! Yeash! Im Gonna Get this one! I swear I am gonna figure out how to hack this one... But Hey you can access eBay NOW!!! Like I really Have a use for eBay... I avoid EBAY Like the plague (only for the sheer fact that I fear spending too much money!) Oh and There I go Digressing again! I really need to stop doing that!

Section 2 Roz and Home!

Roz is the Greatest Dog EVER. Yes she is diva in all her ways. She is the alpha female in this house and I have no Qualms with that!!! She has finally chewed up her Chewey Toy. Now there is fluff all over my living room that has been sitting here for 3 days cus I can't muster the energy required to bend over and pick it up! Ces't la vie! Oh it is so funny I went to Richmond 2 weekends ago and Dr. J house sat for me to take care of the Roody pooh (Roz) and she had him wrapped around her paw. She would do her little whiney thing that I fall for every time; and as soon as she gets outside she tries to chase the Deer in the back yard, instead of taking care of puppy business. If you know what I mean. It is the funniest thing ever!!!
Other house hold Stuff!
My laundry has piled up because I haven't had time to do it! I will get to the reason for that in section _ Richmond will be addressed in section _. Believe it or not my kitchen isn't a total disaster area. I don't cook too often, so really there isn't that much to clean. Oh Yeah.. I know have a Bike Taking up space in my Living room because Gas Prices have hit the point where I can't stand it any more. So I have decided to buy a bicycle. I live less than a mile from work. So this is totally feasible! Yes Tricia has come into a new level of being cheap. All in all Life at home is happy... Other than the whole Gas Price thing... That Totally blows!!! Especially with all the drivin back and forth to RICHMOND!

Section _ Richmond!
I have met My Knight in Shining Armor! His name means Extreme happiness; Ecstasy.
(Dictionary.com) The second definition is The ecstasy of Salvation; Spiritual Joy. And in the short period of time we have known each other; Oh how he has taught me such things. He lives in Richmond. He has passed the Test of the Fabulously Gay Duo! He has Passed the Mikey and Brianna Test. Hell!! He even passed the Ghetto Jew Test and that wasn't even a requirement! Roz adores him. I haven't introduced him to my grandma yet. But the next time he comes to Carolina will be when they meet. The funny thing about that... My grandma already has a nick name picked out for the both of us (and it shall not be UTTERED on this page!!!). I digress.
He makes me feel Awesomous, Fantabulous, and Wondermous all at the same time! We have been together for close to a month talking longer than a month and I feel as tho it is completely safe to fall and I know He has already caught me ::BIG GRIN:: He fits all the requirements listed on the blog titled It's My way or the Highway! And in his arms I find my BLISS!

With all this being said! I do hope all my readers have decided not to shoot me for flying off the face of the planet for a short stint. It is nice to touch base with reality, and the way life is going A dreamer such as myself can live in reality and know that it will only get better!

My final words are these and take them to heart. Fore they shall always remain True!

Faith Can move mountains.
Over analyzation can make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Blessed Be

Tricia

Oh Such behavior is uncalled for!

2006-03-13T16:58:00.000-08:00

Oh... It eludes me. Just as soon as I get so close to it. To finally finding whole and completeness it runs away. I am very happy with myself. I am self sufficient. Yes every once in a while I have a problem with sticking a big ole foot in my mouth. But ya know. So what. I refuse to say anything about anyone behind their backs that I wouldn't say to their face. I am not a liar. I am not a Gossip. I simply can not be bothered by trifflin behavior. And it has come to my attention that I am surrounded by people who act in a trifflin manner. Yeash I am unable to escape at this time. It's driving me insane.

Wait! Hold on a sec. I'm already insane. So how can this situation drive me any crazier than I already am. I guess maybe it would be better to phrase this as...
It's driving me to Sanity!!!

Eh... either way I quite simply can not be bothered.
I have other things going on in my life.

My search for happiness continues. I have succeeded in finding it with in myself. I'm still looking to fill the void. There is much potential for a gentleman I have been conversing with. That is all I will say. I don't want to jinx this one. Time shall reveal all. And this I shall wait for patiently and reverently. I am in no rush. likewise nor am trying to push anything too far too fast.

Impatience is My VIRTUE!

2006-03-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

I can have all the patience in the world depending on the situation.
Lord knows with my job, I can be a saint! But when it comes to people acting a fool, playing mind games or acting like a coward, I can NOT be bothered.
G-zus I say that a lot!
Oh well it gets my point across!

I can't stand being lied to or having information with held from me. Lay it on the table. My time is precious, and woe unto you who has wasted my very precious and valuable time. I try to retain hope till the very last second but if there is no hope that I can see. For what ever reason there may be. Then the general situation gets written off. And after that point I quite simply CAN NOT BE BOTHERED with these matters anymore.

The only constant in life is change!
and yet the more things change the more they stay the same

I'm out

Trish

This is My United states of Whatever!

2006-03-02T10:06:00.000-08:00

I love Liam Lynch! My United States of Whatever is one of the GREATEST songs EVER!

And it sooooooo fits the mood I'm in right now...

cus Dude...

I quite simply can NOT be bothered!

I love my Catch Phrase.. (thanks Dr.J and Brown)

A little about what has happened to me in the past month or so. February was a wonderful month in retrospect. I updated my Yahoo profile. He He He. and everybody asks me. " Tricia, Why result to Online Dating?" Well quite simply my reply to this is...

1 I refuse to date anyone from my home town! Various Reasons have influenced this decision!
2 The guy HAS to know how to use a computer and what better way to find a geek like myself.
3 It's Easier to get a feel for someone's general personality over a computer versus meeting in person.

This is what I wrote about myself on Yahoo Personals.

I think I captured my essence well.

***Lets get to the point and quick! If you are a man who can NOT think with what's between his ears; then I quite simply can NOT be bothered!
If you want a challenge; Here I am!
With that being said. I am a fun, and Fiery Redhead! Full of Spunk! I am looking for a partner in Crime. I love to play practical jokes on my friends , and I am always looking for a new scheme. I am honest to a fault. You will always know where I stand on any given issue. I am very unique, and I march to the beat of my own drum! I'm up for having fun in any given situation (God forbid you set me loose in Wal-Mart!) I do own a TV, I just don't watch it (Funny Story ask me later!) My computer Monitor is 16 inches, my TV is 9 inches. This alone should tell you where my priorities Lie! Imagine trying to watch the DUKE vs carolina Game on that. You Need Binoculars!
Anyway
I digress!
I am a southern Belle. I am a Lady! I am very eloquent! (Yes People I have a vocabulary!) I know what I want. Do you

Check and Mate!

P.S. Ability to play chess is a Major PLUS!
"What I want is what I've Not Got; But what I need is all around me." Dave Matthews

Yep that sums me up all in one neat little paragraph!

Now for the few replies I have gotten. All Replies shall remain nameless for their own protection.

1st guy. This was a decent reply was from a guy who moved here from Florida. This guy was nice but you could tell he Ironed his underwear... He didn't know how to loosen up and relax. There were some slight issues there or something. I haven't the slightest clue. Had Coffee with him and made a bet over a doughnut. I won. He still owes me a doughnut! Haven't talked to him since.

2nd guy. I really don't know how to describe this one. I really don't. But Damn if I'm not gonna try. The second reply I received was from a guy who did his research. He sent me an icebreaker which let me know that he didn't pay for his account (which later he confirmed) so I emailed him back w my screen name so we could IM each other. When I say he did his research He looked up my profile on Yahoo which I really haven't done too much with; however I did post my link for My Space. He liked my myspace link. ( my Myspace page really shows my anally retentive attention to detail.) He even read this Blog! When I read his profile, a lot of things clicked. I really don't know how to put it. #1 He didn't pose himself to be looking for a "Hook up". He seemed genuine and honest (to a fault). So we IM each other. Everything is hunky dorey. Well The next night I needed to go to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book. So I asked him to meet me. He tried to wiggle his way out of it, but me being excellent at arguing my point (Oh I sooo should have gone to Law School!) I conned him outa the house for a couple of hours. By the way, this whole time Im hacking and coughing cus bronchitis is setting in but that's another story in itself I just don't have time to get into right now. Maybe later. I smoke like a friggin Chimney. Yes it says occasionally on my profile but I took artistic license with it to say occasionally as in every few minutes. He smokes too Thank GOD! ( I hate going out and somebody coming up to me saying "Ya know those are bad for ya!!! YA THINK! My reply is. "At least I have a chosen method for Death! Now get off my ass!" OK I have Digressed again! I'm hacking and coughing because I have bronchitis. He meets me at Barnes and Noble. and Ladies let me tell you. He is even cuter in person than he is over web cam. I bought my book. We head out to get some food cus at this point I'm starving. He opened the doors for me. He paid for dinner even though he didn't have to. I was perfectly willing to pay or at least go dutch. I always feel kinda weird having the guy pay. I don't know why. I just do. Maybe its my independent woman side coming out. I haven't the foggiest. Dinner conversation was great. After dinner we drive around looking for a park that has a swing set cus I suddenly feel like I can't contain my inner 5 year old. No luck so we go to the park down by the river with a nice little amphitheatre that never gets used. We sit on the stage and look at the stars and talk and talk and talk. We walk around. At this point I'm getting cold. So I asked him to warm me up. He puts his arms around me. It was nice. We walk a little bit more. We talk a little bit more. All in all it was really nice. I don't remember exactly how it got to this point ( my anally retentive attention to detail wasn't paying attention!) but I remember our foreheads against each other and then The kiss.
that's all Im gonna say...
THE KISS!!!
HOT DAMN!!!!
THE KISS!!!
We talk some more and then it's time to leave I have to be at work the next morning and so does he. Well the Next day. I have a stupid perma grin on my face that will NOT go away. I feel as tho I have smoked a half O of hydro. I'm that laid back! I could have cared less what was goin on around me that day! I ended up leaving work early to go to the doctor for the affore mentioned bronchitis. Came home hopped on the puter. Doped myself up w codeine. and some funky inhaler that made me loopy.
Here is the kicker. He and I IMed each other Friday. I called a few times Sat and Sunday. And on Monday (his Birthday) I left a message on his myspace page wishing him a happy birthday.

I will admit I got over zealous. He finally replied with the words I am acting like his girlfriend. to which I replied. I did not mean to give that Impression. If you wish for me to back off I will. I have since backed off and I haven't talked to him in over a week.
Ces't La Vie.

3rd guy. TOTAL IDIOT! This guy IM's me. Who he is... I don't know. He says he read my profile however I highly doubt it, because if he did He obviously had the reading comprehension of a 3 year old!!! Burnt out light bulbs are brighter! On my profile it says I am looking for someone with similar interests as me. This guy couldnt get a clue if he walked in the store and tried to buy one! The thing that stuck out to me. He asked what I was looking for in a man. I said flat out I am looking for my soul mate, someone I can connect on a mental and spiritual level to which he replied. I am looking for sex... WRONG ANSWER BUDDY! GOODBYE!!! Needless to say he didn't make it past one third of stage one in my little arena of dating amusement... and I seriously hope that some of my fantabulous readers get a kick outa this idiot!!!! Are all men this STUPID???

My friend Carebear says that the words Men and Smart should never be used in the same sentence unless they are separated by the word AREN'T! Care bear, if all guys are like guy #3 all hope should be lost. Part of me is ready to write off dating completely and just settle for being a spinster with 40 cats, and another part of me is like "Don't give up yet cus Mr. Right is out there! I feel like I need a magnifying glass to find him.

Eh Dating SUX no matter how you look at it!

Oh Well back to the drawing board.

I am me...
No More
and
definitely No Less!!!

Trish :)

Somebody Shoot MURPHY!

2006-02-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

Everybody has heard of Murphy's Law

Well, I'm sorry but that dirty Bastard needs to be shot...

If Murphy had never said the words "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong" I wouldn't have had the problems I have had today. I love my job I really do... For God's Sake I am Miss Cubicle 2006! But our stupid computer systems at work are fuckin IDIOTIC!!! for lack of a better term.

For example. I went in and did a Thingy (I can't go into too much detail for the sheer fact that its all proprietary information!!!) Well, the thingy errored out because the customer didn't qualify. HE HE HE, me being Miss Cubicle 2006 that I am! Geek and ALL! I looked for every short cut I could find (which took like 30 mins) only to come to the conclusion that when I CANCELLED the order... HALF of it Posted any damn way... so instead of taking 2 steps forward... Our idiotic systems decided to jump 3 miles back! I had to re-enter all the original information... and when all that original information updates then I will be able to go in and make changes that need to be made... I SWEAR. I LOVE MY JOB! which reminds me I need to update my resume'!

Everybody wonders why in the HELL I am soooooooooooo Fucking CYNICAL! IT'S ALL MURPHY'S FAULT! I BLAME THAT BASTARD THAT SAID "Anything that Can go WRONG Will go WRONG!"

That dirty cum guzzlin Gutter slut SON OF A BITCH !!!

MURPHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another prime example of the afore mentioned S.O.B!

I get a customer today who yet again didn't qualify (but for something totally different)! This poor Lady. If you are nice to me, I will bend over backwards to help you out! She was nice. Bless her Heart! she was just as sweet as she could be! Anyway. She was having "Technical Difficulties" all resulting around a network situation. well the previous Rep misquoted her on a piece of equipment. The Previous rep tried to fix the situation.
A lot of people in my industry will try to cover up versus admit they are wrong...
I hate to admit it.
I am the same damn way.
But at least I know that If I can't fix it(and I will sure as hell TRY!) I will at least tell the customer I was incorrect and that I did try. Well this rep Tried to fix their own mess. but dropped it in the middle of the process and gave up. No word to the customer in regards to the situation. Well I tried to clean up the mess and I realized it was beyond my control. So It got forwarded to my supervisor, and My supervisor forwarded it to The previous Rep's Supervisor!

I LOVE ATILLA!
CRACK THAT WHIP BABY!!!!!!!!!
WOO HOO!!!

I figured when I came home from work today, I was gonna have a nervous Tick and crack open the bottle of wine sittin in the bottom of my fridge just waiting for such an occasion! But I must admit that sitting in front of my MEGA WHOMPASS BEAST of a computer system and listening to DRUM N BASS. I feel so much Better.. Aphrodite is not only the KING OF THE BEAT but also the Goddess of Love and COMPASSION! And John DIGWEED has been hand selected by the GOD's to receive the golden turntables!

Yes I know John Digweed is Trance! I LOVE TRANCE!

anyway... I digress...

Im gonna crack open my bottle of wine now!!

Later taters.

Trish

Good Morning SUNSHINE!

2006-02-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

Ah Friday. There is no better day of the week. I am going to the beach today and I'm not coming back. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just Kidding. Today feels different for some reason. It feels peaceful. It feels serene. I want to absorb as much of this as possible and I never want it to end.

I'm out!!!

Trish :)

With out a Hitch! I love it when a plan comes together!

2006-02-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

My birthday and all plans involved went off with out a hitch! What can I say. My anally retentive attention to detail pays off again! I drank last night; just enough to get tipsy. He He He. Many Funny Pics were taken. AND ALL MY FRIENDS SHOULD BEWARE! MOST PICS ARE POSTED!!!

My presents:

Care Bear Gave me
1. An anatomically Correct Teddy Bear
2. 10 Glow in the Dark Condoms
(guaranteed to make Any Mans dick look like a Lightsaber from Star Wars only with out the really kewl sound effects!) Thank you again Care Bear for reminding me of my NON EXISTENT SEX LIFE
3. A beer glass that says F*ck Off It's My Birthday!

Yeah BITCHES!!! You Betta RECOGNIZE!!!

All in all I gotta say things went off with out a hitch.. I did learn one major lesson last night I have really always known this but I need to focus a little more on fixing this one. Here Goes.. I suffer from Diarrhea of the MOUTH! Most People have a problem with Liarrhea. Not Me. I speak the Truth. I just have a tendency of letting it fly forth with out the thought of consequences. AND IT MUST BE SAID THAT ALCOHOL IS TRUTH SERUM!
And to Ducky I do apologize!
I love you dearly.
We are only 2 parts of the DIVINE TRINITY!
ALL BOW BEFORE OUR GLORY!

Today I went to G-Vegas to Get Inked. Yes I got a Rockin Ass Tattoo! I got it on the small of my back! He he he. A girl at work said getting a tattoo in that area hurts worse than child birth. I gotta say I have never had children so I don't know what Child Birth feels like. I also gotta say that It really didn't hurt that bad either. The tattoo I got on my ankle hurt worse than This one did.. and this one is Bigger and Badder.

He He He.

I'm SOOOOOOO TOUGH!

The Process of getting the tattoo itself Hurt but in an oh sooooooooo good way.

I'll tell ya this tho... A few hours after the fact... The Bitch is Stinging! It Hurts worse now than it did when I was being poked a gagillion times with a needle! Cest La Vie! A tattoo is definitely the best way to make $120 bux last for the rest of your life! It's an Investment!

I went shopping after the fact. Got 2 pairs of Jeans that Fit! I know cus I tried them on. GO ME!!! I ROCK!!! I am down to a size 8 and I am aiming for a size 6 and Ducky is kickin my ass into shape and making me go to the gym.

Ah... The age of 27 has much potential to be EXCELLENT...

BRING IT ON!!!

I am Me .. NO MORE. And definitely NO LESS

I am Trish!

Oh!!!! But Didn't you know!!!

2006-02-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

Yes the world in my head revolves around me! Didnt you know this!!! Well if you didn't; You do now. Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! The Big 27! One year closer to being 30. Looking back at the age of 26 all in all it hasn't been so bad. It's had it's rough points! And I must admit that I have made a total and complete Jack Ass outa myself on more than one occasion!!!Those of you who know me, You know damn good and well what I'm talking bout. ( and yet I hear many of you asking which example are you referring to?) Do I let this bother me! Hell No.

"I quite simply can NOT be bothered! (that one was for you CareBear & Ducky!)

I take it as a lesson learned and move on. What else can I do... I sure as hell ain't letting it pile up on me so I can get swamped in a big ole mess. I don't have time for all that!

So am I glad to see the age of 26 disappear into my past along with many accomplishments and lessons learned. The age itself will be missed but I look forward to the future. I look forward to what a new age will mean. I look forward to the Tattoo I am getting to commemorate my age of idiocy! and here by for the next three years I plan to get a tattoo from the ages of 27 to 30 (that way what I want will be completed... He He He...
Who Rox?
I do!
Ofcourse!
Don't act like you didn't know!

Birthday plans thus Far!

Big Dinner at Outback where hopefully much alcohol will be consumed a long with the ever fantabulous BLOOMING ONION (yall know what kinda trouble comes with the fabulously Gay Duo and the ever fantabulous Bloomin Onion!) and I will NOT be driving home (thank you CareBear!)
Come home drink lots of water to ward off Hang over!
Next morning Drive to nearest town w decent tattoo Parlor and commence to getting inked!
After Getting inked. I shall go forth and frivolously spend money (because we all know that is my favorite pastime!) I decided to get the tat and clothes! for all of you that are wandering!

then the very next day I'm goin to the Beach. I shall sit in the sand and meditate ( prolly freeze my ass off but you know I will be one with nature. I will be in my element. And I will Finally have PEACE!!! And DAMNIT THIS YEAR I WILL HAVE MY WAY ON MY BIRTHDAY!

Every year up until this year has sucked balls in some way shape or form. I REFUSE TO LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!!! I, quite simply will NOT stand for it!

I am Me
I am Pisces!

No more.
and definitely NO LESS!

I'm out

Trish :)

P.S. I speak Typonese. There for I LOVE the Spell Check!

CURTAINS OR DRAPES???

2006-02-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

HEY JAKE!!!!

THEY ARE NOT WINDOW BLOCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's My way or the HIGHWAY!

2006-02-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

Here is the deal.

I have updated my Yahoo Personals profile... I am gonna try this dating thing one more time before I resolve to be forever single and live with 40 cats ( I really dont know how Roz would feel about the cats.) I haven't dated since November. I think Im doing great. I took time off dating to really figure out what I want. Especially after all the Drama I put myself through. I now know what I expect from myself and what I expect from my future prospective man. I will accept NOTHING LESS than my expectations. I refuse to lower my standards.

The man of my dreams Must have the following qualities

*Tall, Dark, and Handsome (what girl doesnt want this?)
*Unique (Creative, Apreciate Art, Music, You know, just well rounded! By the way playing music is a BIG PLUS!!!)
*INTELLIGENCE! (HE MUST THINK WITH WHAT IS BETWEEN HIS EARS AND NOT WITH WHAT IS IN HIS PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
*He must know the meaning of chivalry and act with such knowledge.
*He has to have a sense of humor.
*He Must love to cuddle!
*He can NOT be antisocial! (No UniBomber for me!!! NO THANK YOU!)
*He must be cool and Confident but not cocky.
*As far as his sense of Fashion. He can NOT be a slob, But not a METRO either... (Metrosexuals bring intirely too many questions into my head)
*He has to be OPEN MINDED (um 2 of my best friends in the world are gay men. He can NOT be intimidated by this!) ***Let me elaborate on this openmindedness thing. I do not follow the normal religious path. I am a very spiritual person. He has to be able to accept me the way I am.

*He can not be the overbearing jealous type . In other words. He can NOT be PSYCHO!!!

*He has to be romantic. I don't mean like sending me flowers everday (although flowers are nice) but he has to be thoughtful, creative and just generally sweet!

*He must be loyal!
*He must be Goal Oriented. (He has to know what he wants out of life and from me.)
*He has to have a spine! (He must stand up for what he believes in, and not let people walk all over him. Oh yeah he can't be a Mamma's Boy either!)
*He can not have Baby Mamma Drama!

So in sumation of all these things. Basically he MUST be Whole and Complete in and of himself!

Like I am Whole and Complete in and of Myself!

Do I ask too much? I really don't think so.

So with all this being said. May my Knight in Shining Armour come forth and sweep me off my feet!

I'm Out
Trish

Dumb Question?

2006-02-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

Ok... I gotta ask

What was the Idiot who named the game "Badmitten" thinking?

I mean. REALLY!

Was he thinking about Misbehaving Appendage Warmers while looking at people (who obviously are not skilled enough to play tennis) aime for a little thingy with feathers attached to it, while they try and whack it with a wannabe Tennis racket!

What was the word association that brought this about???

Its official.
IM STUMPED!

Later Taters
Trish!

Little Roberto!

2006-02-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

Ok.. Ya'll... I'm Southern! Ya'll know this. Hello I use the word Ya'll. Anyway! Roberto is pronounced like this ok. Roe-Bear-Toe!

Ok... Here is the Story.

It is common knowledge that I work in a Call Center and My Job Function is Customer Service.

Yes now you all know my twisted view on life and my reasoning behind it!!!...

Anyway I digress. I work for Company A. That shall remain nameless. and Roberto works for Company B that shall also remain nameless just for the Sheer Fact that I don't wanna get sued for the use of my indiviual Freedom of SPEECH!!!

Anyway I had this poor customer on the line that was being charged by company B for some stupid reason that I can only begin to speculate as to why! And I call Company B to dispute the charges for the customer because he has had no luck doing so... Well after being stuck on hold for the better part of atleast 20 mins Little Roberto pops on my line. and the first words out of his mouth are "Thank you for Holding! Please Hold" and before I can say anything. He sticks me back on Hold. I wait for another 3 or 4 mins

And trust me when you are stuck on hold listening to really cheesy hold music that makes you wanna beg to listen to Barry Manilow! You know the true deffinition of Torture! I think Nazi's invented this concept! It makes me wonder if this is what the victims of Aushwitz had to listen to before they were gassed and burned ...

I digress...

Anyway Little Roberto pops back on my line and says again "thank you for holding, PLEASE HOLD!" And promptly puts me back on hold. I wait another couple of mins and he pops back on and I hear him get ready to say Please Hold.

And at this point I am FUMING! I said Excuse me Roberto. Why are you putting me on hold. He appologizes and says please hold. I say "No" I was on hold for 20 mins before I got to you and as soon as you pop on the line you put me back on hold. I want to know why you are putting me on hold.

I SWEAR I WAS ABOUT TO REACH THROUGH THE PHONE AND SNATCH THE POOR BOY BALD HEADED!!!

well He ends up skirting the issue and not answering my question but he took the customer and did his job. I assume because at that point from the transfer. It was 5 mins into my Lunch Break! So naturally I dropped off the line.

The Moral of the Story! DONT PISS OFF A CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE. Especially one like me. I take pride in my job. I also have certain standards that need to be met and if you do not meet these standards You are gonna get it. And Poor Little Roberto He only got a piece of it!

Later Taters
Im out

Trish :o)

Ok!!! I got the Point!

2006-02-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

Well Yet again Much has happened! As It always does and yet I find myself beating myself up for not blogging more. :o( Ces't La Vie! I don't wanna go too much into Detail here just for the sheer fact that the path to enlightenment is a rocky one.. And at this point ya'll know my anally retentive attention to detail! But my basic point that I am trying to get to is this. When a Higher power tells you to Drop it! You better DO IT! Im done. I simply can not be bothered by it anymore.

"Be Bothered by what?" You ask.

Simply put. Overall group consensus Stupidity. I can handle Ignorance. That is just a lack of knowledge but Stupidity on the otherhand is beneath me. I can't stand it when people act a fool! for example. I have a friend. this friend shall remain for the protection of said individual. well my friend is having a hard time. Said Person has a lot on their plate. Alot to Digest. I am here for Said Person, because Said Person needs someone there for them. Now by no means is Said Person stupid. If anything Said Person is on their on path to Enlightenment. And for this I must commend them. My only hitch is this! The people that put Said Person in this possition. I got two words for their Stupidity. KARMA BABY!!!

This whole situation with Cute Little Emo Surfer Waiter Guy! Why on earth do I let my friends get to me on this... Yes I think he is Cute. Personality wise I really can't tell cus I haven't really had the opportunity to talk with him so I am cluesless as to whether he can keep me mentally intrigued.

Yes People I firmly believe that looks aren't everything they are just an extra added bonus.

I have figured it out I am looking for a man with brains, beauty and talent. and by the way the word TALENT encompasses A LOT!!!!

Time to Redecorate The Rock I crawled under!

2006-01-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

Oh... It is on Going!!!! It won't stop! I know I have a big mouth... I know there are times when I speak before I think... well with blogging; It's no different... I didn't think I was gonna have this kinda Back LASH!!!

Well Check this out... I posted this link on my space.. cus Naturally I want all my friends to read my blog... My friend... (We will call her Lou Lou) My friend Lou Lou Reads my blog and she and all her friends go to Outback where they have a friend who is part of the wait staff. And Of COURSE they had to describe Cute little Emo Waiter Guy (who shall remain NAMELESS for his own protection of course.) and OF COURSE thier Friend bring poor Nameless Cute little Emo Surfer Waiter over to their table.. And Promptly with out Missing a beat My friend Lou Lou tells him that he is the star of an Internet blog!!! OKAY!!! So just when I thought I could crawl out from under my rock that I have so dubbed as Embarrassment, I come to find that I may as well redecorate because I am NEVER coming out again!!!

The Fabulously Gay Duo, and other such tales of embarassment!!!

2005-12-31T06:56:00.001-08:00

Ok last night was eventful.

I went out with Dr. J and Brown, otherwise known as the "Fabulously Gay Duo".

I was having a massive craving for a Bloomin Onion from Outback. I will get back to that.

So when I got home from work Dr. J was waiting for me. He has a key to my house. We romp at the Wal-mart where I purchased the Queen Mother of all Coffee Pots. This sucker ROX! I mean. It makes Expresso. It Steams milk and if you just wanna make a pot of coffee; It does that to. For $50 bux, it better do something special.

Anyway.

I'm all excited now cus I don't have to shell out mad cash for Starbucks anymore. (If I could only master the recipe for a Caramel Machiato.) And since Christmas Sucked and I got NOTHING from my family except a 2 inch scrape on my right hand because I got suckered into cooking AGAIN this year. And we all know at this point that Pollard Family Holiday Tradition dictates that SOMETHING either Catches on Fire or Tricia gets injured in Some fashion. Tis the season to Torture!!!

WHY ME!

Anyway. I digress.

After the Wal-Mart romp, my craving for the afore mentioned bloomin onion kicks in. So Dr. J and I call up Brown. Brown agree's to meet us at the Outback Steakhouse. Poor boy has no sense of direction. Bless him. Well anyway Dr. J and I head on up to the Outback, where there was a quoted 1&1/2 hour wait. We wait. and after about 45 mins I'm beggin Dr. J to call Brown cus he lives 10 mins up the road. It should not have taken him this long. I repeat. Bless him. Dr. J gives me a $1.00 in quarters and says here go call him. so Im hunting down a pay phone because I don't have a cell phone. CELL PHONES ARE THE DEVIL!!!

I run across my Friend MIDDA! Midda ROX okay... Thats all there is to be said about that... She is the omnipotent Glory of All things that ROCK! She is Midda

Well Midda lets me use her cell phone. I call Brown and Brown is not home. I go outside and he has finally shown up. Bless him. When I gave him directions to the OUTBACK he heard Texas cus you have to turn by a Texas Steakhouse to get there and the poor boy just got all turned around. Bless him. Well Brown is like my New Partner in crime. Dr. J has said on many occasions that he is ashamed to be seen in public with us because we like to people watch, and make comments.

God forbid you are making a terrible fashion mistake and you are seen by us because comments will be exchanged and Dr. J will just shake his head as though he can not comprehend for the life of him why he associates with us. LOVE YA !!! MEAN IT!!!

Well anyway we are standing inside the restaurant commenting on a woman with Big Hair. I'm looking fairly Dishvelled at this point cus I was rockin a boggin earlier in the evening cus it was cold last night, and my hair was looking horrendous. Or as Brown would say Hoe-rrendous. He just loves to play games with words where he can incorporate the word HOE! you know like the word Horrific. Brown would say Hoe-rrific, or Professional would be Hoe-fessional. Also not to forget that I wasn't wearing one bit of make up.

But anyway. I digress again!

Well after 2 hours of waiting I go up to the Hostess stand (hoe-stess) and ask them if our little pager thing is broken. And sure enough, we are seated promptly in the non smoking section (of all places). YES DR. J, BROWN, AND I SMOKE LIKE TRAINS!!! (We can put any steam engine to the test!!) However at this point we didn't care. We just wanted Food (prefferably of the Bloomin Onion variety). And at this point in the evening Brown and I had driven Dr. J to the Drink. He promptly ordered a Margarita. Well our waiter comes to the table. (and he is just the cutest thing.) He acknowledges my Cohorts but mainly pays attention to me. Normally I am not the shy type. But something just comes over me. And I loose all ability to make eye contact for more than 2 seconds. And normally thats my thing... Eye Contact is a must. For some strange and odd reason I could NOT muster the strength to meet his gaze. Well he takes our drink order and the order for the EVER Fantabulous BLOOMIN ONION! He was an excellent waiter. He kept coming back to the table to make sure everything was ok. and that our drinks were filled. And all the while acknowledging the FABULOUSLY GAY DUO and just showering me with attention which at this point I was kinda sorta Clueless too, because I do believe at this point I was completely in a state of SHOCK!

Well inbetween visits from our cute little Emo, Surfer, waiter, ( yes he did kinda have that whole Keanu Reeves-Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure thing goin for him) there is much hemming and hawing from The FABULOUSLY GAY DUO. They are just saying oh isnt he the cutest thing. Tricia you should flirt with him, honey. He is just smitten by you. Talk to him Honey!

AND THEN!!! LOW AND BEHOLD!!! THE SCHEEMING COMMENCES!!!

Dr. J reminds me of a time when he was single and I gave his number to a cute waiter. That is when I knew that all HELL was about to break loose. He pulls 3 one dollars bills out of his pocket and asks me for a pen. I jump over my purse like I am protecting a child from an explosion! and that is when Dr. J says "Pay back is a BITCH!" I don't know where he got the pen. but my name and number was promptly written on a dollar. I can say this tho. It was not done infront of me. Because after dessert was ordered I walked around to the bar and plopped down at an empty table and had a cigarette. My poor nerves were shot!!!! I couldn't take it. well Cute little Emo surfer waiter comes around the side about half way through my cigarette to tell me that my Chocolate Thunder from Down under is on the table. and while he is telling me this he is just giving me this really intense stair. Bless him because He has beautiful eyes and he was trying so hard to make Eye contact with me and I just could NOT bare to look in his eyes for more than 2 seconds! I mean for GOD'S SAKE what was wrong with me?? I finish my ciggy and go back to the table where my beloved Chocolate fix awaits.

HERE COMES THE TIME TO LEAVE
Brown continues to sit at the table while Dr. J leads me out of the restaurant like a 5 year old. All the while saying don't worry. Just let your Fairy God Parents take care of it. and I said to him "But everytime I trust you. Ya'll get me in trouble!" We stand outside the restaurant waiting for Brown. And of Course he comes out with a "Shit eatin Grin" on his face like he has just accomplished something major which of course makes me turn a deep scarlet color!!!

We walk back to our cars and at this point I just want somebody to run over me with mine because I am just too through at this point. And Brown regails us with the tale of how he gave our waiter the "Hook Up".
After Dr. J and I left, Brown waited for Emo Surfer Waiter and said hey. her name is Tricia and her # is on this Dollar bill. and Emo Surfer waiter was like I would have tried to talk to her but I didn't know if one of Ya'll were with her. And Brown was like... "No we are gay. Emo Surfer waiter said "oh" (as in okay) and then it hit him like a ton of bricks and he said "OH, not that there is anything wrong with that." "So she's single!" And Brown said "Yeah".

And Upon hearing all of this I think I turned a deep Maroon Color, and commenced to freaking out! The FABULOUSLY GAY DUO just looked at me as tho I were so cute and so pitiful at the same time. You know that look! And I looked as tho I were near tears.

So in conclusion. You never know what kinda Mischief will arrise when The FABULOUSLY GAY DUO are involved

Later Tater's

Tricia

PS
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The Boredom Monster strikes again!!!

2005-12-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm at work.
I'm bored.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thank God Christmas is Over for one more year!!!

2005-12-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

I know thats a bad way to look at it, but this year Christmas truly SUCKED!
My Uncle Dewey died at 7:30 am on Friday, December 23rd. The wake was Christmas Day, and the Funeral was Yesterday. Needless to say the weekend sucked... as I have previously stated.

However I must say it was kewl to hang out with the extended family. We haven't done that in a long time. My cousin Steve is getting married in April. Its kinda funny cus he brought his Fiancee in from California. The poor girl doesn't know what kinda family she is getting herself into. My cousin Jessica decided to give her a slice of Sause for Christmas!!! Only in the south will you find this Nasty substance. And the poor girl has never been to the south before gets thoroughly grossed out with in her first 24 hours. I mean EWWW!!!! Only My Family... I swear I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!

Pictures of the Family will be posted as soon as I can get new batteries for the Digital Camera, So it will stay on long enough to upload them. Trust Me I got some great ones... My family is full of Goof Balls!

on That note Im out

Tricia :o)

mmmm.. Chocolate is in the air.

2005-12-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

I'm baking Chocolate Chip pies...
MMM Yummy!

They are the greatest in the world. My exboyfriend's mom gave me the recipe. I had to have it. How Could I deprive myself of such a wonderful Pie just because he is no longer in my life. I think I traded up. He He He. Just kidding :o) All Kidding aside. He is a great guy. Any Girl will be lucky to have him. I mean for goodness sake I spent 9 years training him.

Anyway I digress.

I called his mom cus ya know after nine years Im not gonna just STOP talking to his mom. NO I dont think so. That would be rude and very unlady like behavior. And we can't have that being I was born and raised in the SOUTH! Plus I have always liked his mom. and there is also an unwritten rule. We just don't discuss "Us" or him. Its a very nice set up.

Yet again I digress.

I have this recipe and now my house smells like Nestle Toll House Chunks! Could life get any better? I really don't think so.

Life did just get better. My grandma is taking me out to dinner for Chinese tonight.

Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh The Beauty of COFFEE!

2005-12-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am prone to Insomnia every once in a while...
Usually I like it!
I don't know. It kinda resets my Biological clock... you know.. every once in a while my biological clock needs a good reboot.
However I have never gone to work after an insomniac night.
Until today!

I gotta say. I love Coffee. It is the greatest stuff Ever. Even though corporate coffee that they make in the break room. You know the stuff that tastes like stale recycled Dirt. The Caffeine kick does the trick. WOO HOO.. I think Im on Cup number 6 at this point And I am far from falling asleep. I'm sitting at my desk at work (yes on a Saturday) and I realized today just how truly boring my job really is. I know I make it sound all exciting with my comments of corporate hacking and slashing. Yet sitting infront of a computer for 8 hours after you have stayed up all night. and you know you are gonna be up for a while longer. Im thinking this may turn into a 48 hour romp. Currently my record stands at 57 hours. But that was a while ago and I am not trying to push myself that far... When I did that.. I was unemployed and had way too much on my mind and way too much time on my hands. Yes a lot of internet surfing and a lot of Knitting got done. I am so productive when I don't sleep. But when I crash I crash Hard. !!!

Well anyway the past 24 hours have been eventful. I dyed my hair a nice cranberry color. I knitted, I made sterling silver earrings. I sewed, and I helped a friend sew something just magnificently. He was working on a cloak. He decided to make it out of Canvas! OMG. It took 4 hours. not to mention the cutting and the pinning which was done on a seperate occasion. But the Cloak is absolutely beautiful.

**Update** I ended up staying up for 36&1/2 hours. By far not my farthest record. Nowhere near close.

My greatest decorating Idea EVER!

2005-12-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

Oh My God!
I have had a revelation.

I was out walking Rosalynd (Roz) and she led me around to the edge of the woods where someone has obviously been trying to clear away some of the brush. And OMG there they were.

What are "They" you may ask. Well, this is what "They" were.

They are Stumps!

I know. I know. Most people don't get all excited about stumps.

But all of a sudden this great Idea descended upon me like the Shekinah Glory of God! I could see about 5 or 6 of these stumps arranged just so in my back yard as a patio set. Oh the glorious Parties and Entertaining I could acheive If I could just procure about 5 or 6 of these stumps! I can get my friend Dr. J's Dad to make me a nice little table top to go on one of the stumps and the rest could be used for seating!!! OH MY GOD it is GLORIOUS! Actually I don't even need the Table Top. I can just go to some home decore store and get a glass top about 3ft in diameter and work with that. But I preffer the word Free. And Low and behold I have a Gift from Nature sitting Right in My backyard. All I need are a couple of Really Strong Men to come on over and help me Roll some Stumps!

Are there any strong type men out there in the world willing to help a girl achieve Her perfect Back Yard Pattio?
If So.. Please leave me a comment

Thanks

Trish

Happy Dance... He He He :0)

2005-12-03T21:02:00.000-08:00

All is right with the world.
Things are looking up.
I must say it has been a while since I have been this happy. :o) I gotta say this too; I almost forgot what it feels like to be happy. I haven't been on the antidepressants for over a month now. Go me! I rock! They were a temporary solution that helped me step outside the box and look at things from a different angle. Now I don't need them any more. I am finally starting to realize what it means to be whole and complete in and of my self! :o) I wish I knew how to explain it so it could be beneficial to anyone else out there who is currently going through all the crap I have been through in the past couple of months. (Check September archive for all that)

In a nutshell, I lost faith in myself. I know now that I have it back, and I am not so ready to loose control again. I know I can handle anything thrown at me. I no longer seek trouble. If it finds me. It finds me. And If Help needs to be sought to deal with an issue; I have the greatest friends in the world. Not to forget my grandma. She seems all sweet and innocent but she has lived through her fair share of Drama. And her advice was priceless. What's really funny though. She was telling me the same things my friends where. But because she is My Grandma. I listened. Sorta. I LOVE MY GRANDMA!!!!! She should be immortalized as the greatest woman to have ever lived!!! She has never told me "I told you so!" She is always willing to let me come up and hug on her and she will tell me everything will be okay! And I know she is right!

Funny Story!!!

I love Mexican Food. Sometimes I crave it like a pregnant woman craves chocolate! As a matter of fact I have said to my Grandmother that whenever I get pregnant, my favorite Mexican restaurant is going on speed dial!

Anyway I digress.

My grandma and I went to my favorite Mexican restaurant the other night I think it was Tuesday. Anyway. She is not a big fan of Mexican food. Never has been. So she orders what I order usually. Well on Tuesday she ordered the same thing I did. Which was a Potato enchilada and a Mushroom quesodilla with the rice and Guacamole. My grandma Hates Guacamole. Despises it. Well our food comes and she cleans her plate. Which she doesn't normally do. And All of a sudden she starts Raving about the Guacamole. She just can not believe how good it is. I said Grandma, It could be so good because It's Fresh. And the funniest part of the whole thing is I asked her how she enjoyed the rest of it. And My grandma will not insult anything. She always Looks at the best in the world. Well her exact words were. "It was better than NOT GOOD!" I said. "Better than not good?" Grandma! You cleaned your plate and It was Better than NOT GOOD! And she was like "Yeah." My grandma is 72 years old and I have never seen her clean a plate full of Mexican food that quick. The whole Guacamole thing just floored me! Being she went from Hating it to loving it. And all she could say is that it was better than Not Good! I picked on her about it all the way home. It tickled me.

I love my grandma! And on that note...

I'm Out

Trish :o)

Mindless Ramblings, and Meaningless Jibberish!

2005-11-30T05:52:00.000-08:00

I AM THE JABBERWOCKY!!!

Memories Continued...

2005-11-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

Wow!!! It has been a long time since I have blogged...
I kinda feel guilty for not blogging more :o( Thats not good.
Anyway!

I finally got around to scanning some of the pictures from the "Age of Cuteness" era of my life... and I gotta say. Things really haven't changed much. "No, I am not being Cocky!" For example here is a pic of my cousin and I sitting on my Grandma's couch. He has his arm around me and He is wearing this evil grin like he is up to something, and I am looking away like I'm thinking. "Get him away from me."
We couldnt have been more than 4 or 5.

Our relationship is still kinda like that.
It's kinda weird. But then again he is kinda the family oddball. Everytime his name is brought up in conversation. Some one says the Magic words. "That boy ain't Right!" One thing is for sure. Family is Family. No matter how much you wish you could disown them. My family has deffinately shaped me into the woman I am today. As much as I hate to admit that.

Memories are great. They remind you where you came from. They also remind you where you want to go (sometimes without saying a word). I think it is safe to say I have my head on straight now. I feel as though I am finally getting things in my life under control. And for that I am TRULY thankful.

Later Ya'll

Tricia

Memories...

2005-11-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling nostalgic right now.

I was cleaning out my spare bed room. Let's face it ever since I moved into this apartment; that room has kinda been the "Junk Room" You know you have one..

Don't deny it!

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt BABY!

Anyway. I was cleaning out my spare bed room. You know the room that is supposed to be dedicated to my knitting since it houses most of my yarn collection... (MMM YARN!!!)

Anyway, I digress again.

I was cleaning out this room and I ran across my old photo albums. And you know. I must admit. I was a damn Cute KID! I mean OMG. I was adorable! And most of you reading this are prolly like "What Happened?" and to you.. I SMIRK!

I have decided to go through these photos and I am gonna post a few eventually. Cus each photo has a specific memory with it. And all those memories came flooding back tonight.

Up until the age of 6 I had blonde hair. (Those of you who know me in person.. Don't laugh!) I know it explains sooooo much. Anyway! I was a total Tom Boy!. I grew up in the country. Im talking, I learned how to ride a bike on a Dirt Path. I mean I grew up in the Boon DOCKS! BFE!

My grandparents had a wood stove and a wood pile in the front yard. When you are a 4 year old Tom Boy what is the one thing you can think of doing with a wood pile? I know most adults are kinda stairing blankly at the screen right now. Well I as a 4 year old explorer conquered the Mount Everest of Wood Piles! I was the queen of the mountain! I ROCKED! (and still do!). There are several pics of me with this wood pile. And I will post them. They must be viewed by the world! I can't deny the world this kind of Cuteness. It would be a tragedy for the world to not see this glorious example of Adorableness! I mean Really!

I got a little choked up seeing pics of my Mama. But then again I don't look at them all too often, so its a good thing to look at her picture and remember her. The only thing I absolutely can't stand is the fact that I can't remember her voice. I know she loved me deeply. Lord knows she took enough pictures of me when I was a kid.

I went through my high school pics. I had some great times in high school, and some good friends in High school. I am still friends with 2 people from high school. Dr. J. And Bean. These are my 2 most trusted Loyal Advisors. They are the only 2 people on this planet I would trust with my life. They have seen me through some of the happiest times in my life and they are with me step by step of this trial and suffering I like to call being Single.

In going through the pics of highschool I naturally had to go through the pics of the Ex. Especially since he has been there in the previous 9 years of my life. **Sigh** He and I shared some wonderful times. I miss those wonderful times. And yes to a certain extent I do miss him. I miss the way he used to make me laugh. I miss the way he knew how to comfort me when I was entirely too emotional to look at a situation from a logical stand point. I miss the way he kept me grounded. He balanced me.
Things didn't work between us because He got tired of pulling my head out of the clouds, and I got tired of trying to show him what wonderful emotional fulfillment there was in the imagination. I know that we are totally different people than we were when we were seventeen. And we grew apart. Not to mention he can hold a grudge, while I am very much forgive and forget. Ces't La Vie!

Ah.. Nostalgia.

Don't ya just love it.

I'm out

Trish

Halloween!!! WOO HOO

2005-10-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

Ahh The best Holiday of the YEAR!!

And what am I doing... Not Jack. I am sitting at home on my butt. Chillin. I came home from work where I walked around in 3 inch heels all day. (well rotating from sitting on my can and standing and walking) I kicked off my shoes. Put on my jammies and Adidas. I walked Roz. Then I proceeded to plop down in front of My computer. which is where I am right now. I am listening to Paul Van Dyke "Nothing But You." and ATB. ATB is GREAT! I like Happy Trance. It's Great stuff.. Today wasn't too bad at work.. Atilla still tried to crack her whip. However I dodged it this time. It's all coming full circle. I'm slowly but surely getting back into the swing of the Hack and Slash Corporate environment!. He He He Who ROX? I do. OF COURSE!!

On Thursday of last week I put a suggestion in the suggestion box about having a Halloween costume Contest. Whod a thunk it? Management listened?? well 4 people total dressed up... FOUR PEOPLE!!!! well I of course dressed up.. It was my idea. I went as a vampire. I know its hard to see in the pic but hey believe it or not.. They are there. I don't paticularly like this pic too much cus it makes me look like I have a double chin. :o( But Oh Well ... what can ya do? Ces't la vie

I'm Audi

Trish

Back to Normal... Sorta

2005-10-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

OKAY!!!!

I have learned my lesson this time...
I am leaving internet dating alone.

I can not give up all my hard earned freedom. So I run. I will run Far Far away. I am sorry about that, but I have to look out for me. and I don't need to get involved in a serious relationship. Not Right NOW! So Yet again I am back to square one. Or am I on square 50? I don't know? Anyway... some where along the line; I lost track. Anyway. I'm a lot wiser now. I know to watch out for men who will use me for sex and tell me anything to get it. I know to look out for genuine men who are hurting so badly inside that they want to fill a void. and I know to definitely run from anyone who will not allow me the freedom to be me.

Even After all the shit I have been through I like who I am becoming. There is something to be said for wisdom. I am still young but no where near as Naive as I used to be. That. I think is the first step to being whole and complete in and of myself. Now with that being said. I still think there is a lot more out there for me to learn. Oh how cautious I will be from now on.

I am me. No More. No Less.

I am Trish

Really Kewl Artwork

2005-10-20T17:43:00.000-07:00

I love really kewl artwork. I love Art that stirs Emotion in the deepest part of your soul. I have found some excellent examples on www.deviantart.com
Everone should check it out.

Happy Pills

2005-10-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

He He He

I went to the doctor.
The doctor said. I have a small case of Anxiety.
I said. "Ya think?"

He gave me a prescription for Happy Pills.
They make me feel loopy... IT'S GREAT!!! I can go to work High as a Kite... I have renewed vigor to hack and slash and cut Corporate Throats... I should have done this a long time ago. Happy pills are great!!!

Later Tater's

I'm Out

Trish

Run Away!

2005-10-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

It is time to make a run for it.
Things aren't quite seeming as happy as they could be. I have learned my lesson this time I swear. I now know the difference between hormones and true emotion. I want to swallow this pill and get it over with.

Patience has never been a virtue that I possess.

I want to be alone. It was easier when I was alone. I have Roz now. She is all I need.

OH GOD

HELP ME!!!
PLEASE!!!

I don't want to be held down. I want to fly. I want to be free. I have never been free before. I am learning so much and I fear being stifled. Dear GOD HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS? I don't want to hurt any feelings. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. And yet... I don't want to walk around on Egg Shells either.

I know honesty is the best policy. But what if you don't know how to express what you feel. The only expression I am capable of right now involves breathing into a paper bag. Oh Yeah and bearing my soul on this blog.

My soul isnt too pretty is it?

It is battered, and bruised.

Ha! I KNEW IT!

2005-10-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

It was just a matter of TIME!
I knew IT!

HE HE HE Im getting better at this... Im listening to my instincts and I am starting to develop the ability to smell Bull SHIT a mile away. GO ME!

I'm out

Trish

The Return of Cynicism

2005-10-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

Am I Happy.
Yes
When will it End?
I don't know.

Am I on the look out for it.
You BET!

Fates lessons have been learned and taken to heart. I remember all too well what it feels like to be in Love. I also remember all to well what it feels like to fall and have no one there to catch me. Im in love with the idea of being in love! However I still remain firmly planted. I refuse to allow myself to completely fall and loose control. (Who knew I was a control freak?)

Lesson Numero UNO!
Watch out for yourself because no one else will.

I'm feeling a bit cynical today. I feel like I need to look before turning every corner because something will catch me off guard. I am taking my time. There is nothing wrong with moesying along and trying to figure things out.

The difference between Pessimism, Optomism, and Cynicism!

Pessimists believe the glass is half empty

Optomists see the glass is half full

The Cynics in the world percieve the glass as half full... HOWEVER; there is probably something in said glass that will kill the cynic.

I am currently the cynic.

Trish

"All I really want"... Draft 1

2005-09-28T02:45:00.000-07:00

Im seriously trying to keep myself from plajorizing Alanis Morrissette. So Im just gonna Quote.

All I really want.

And all I really want is some patience.
A way to calm the angry voice.
And all I really want is deliverance.

What I wouldnt give to find a soul mate.
Someone else to catch this drift.
And what I wouldn't give to meet a Kindred.

And all I need now is Intellectual Intercourse.
A soul to dig the hole much deeper.
And I have no concept of time other than its flying.
If only I could kill the killer.

All I really want is some peace man.
A place to find a common ground.
And all I really want is a wavelength.

All I really want is some comfort.
A way to get my hands untied.
And all I really want is some justice.

I didn't quote the whole song, just cus that was entirely too much typing and reformatting... but hey there is a Works Sited at the top of the page!!! Its not mine. Im not gonna even try to lay claim to Alanis' great work of ART! I thank God she wrote this album.

As far as I am concerned.. Im not sure I will ever know what I trully want. I know what I need and I think that is far more important.

I need .

Time.
I need time to think things thru.. I have had a lot of lessons to digest over the past month. Im not tryin to make those mistakes all over again. NO MY HEART COULDN'T TAKE IT!!!

Space.
I need to go out have fun, have fun and figure out what makes me happy. I can NOT depend on someone else to do that for me. I need to do this for myself.

Strength.
I need to know when to say stop. I need to know that I can not trust everyone. and that If I can't control myself. No one else will. I need to truly learn that Freedom really has NO limitations and that can be detrimental.

Instinct.
I need to trust my instinct. They have only failed me when I didn't listen to them.

friendship.
It's always good to compare notes with those who care: Who can give you an outside perspective.

I would assume that basically I need to stand on my own 2 feet for a while before I decide to go and hop into another relationship. It is best to learn how to make one's self happy before one can make another happy.

btw..

JAKE!!!!!!!

THEY ARE DRAPES

GET OVER IT

later yall

Trish :o)

Skewl of Hard Knox!

2005-09-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Oh this is a month that will go down in Infamy.

From the very beginning; I really dont think I was ever meant to have anything easy in life. But. Come to think of it. I dont want it easy. I like having to Earn my way. It makes me feel as tho I have accomplished something.

Yeah the shirt says "Let me drop everything and work on your problem!"

There is definately something to be said for biting off more than you can chew. There were a couple of times I didnt think I could even swallow the huge lump in my throat. I guess now is a period of rest and recuperation. The period that I need to focus on me.

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to be selfish.
Hmmm. The Ex would say I did that for the complete 9 years of our relationship. Yes I had my selfish tendancies when I wanted things done my way; but all in all He got what he wanted too. So its Tit for tat!!!

I know I can be selfish when it comes to what I want. Yet again A lesson I learned early on... You can't always get what you want!

***God I love the Rolling Stones!! They are the greatest.***

I don't like to be selfish. I am a giving person. I give a little too much of myself away sometimes to the point that it can be detrimental. So I would assume my next lesson would be Selfishness 101.

hmmm now who will be my instructor?!?!
ah ... fate...

Good ole Proffessor Fate of the Skewl of Hard Knox!

I'm not requesting the next challenge. Oh NO. your not gonna fool me this time. UNH UH!

and Oh hell I shouldn't have said that cus now its gonna be a sneak attack.

I guess really my first homework assignment is.

Figuring out what I want.

To be no less than 3 pages typed, single spaced, and all that jazz.

I'll save that for another day.

I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

Ha

that could be the beginning of the paper...
Hmm

but then again I am the constant procrastinator.
Hmmm

anyway...
Nighty Night..
I got a big day of Learnin to do tomarrow!!!
Good night.
sleep tight
don't let the bed bugs bite.

Sweet Dreams

Trish :o)

A New HOPE!!! And NO IM NOT REFFERING TO STAR WARS

2005-09-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Jesus, I am a Drama Queen!

And here I am... I seriously try not to be. However It follows me. Drama stalks me. It hunts me Down and Pounces on me and beats me to a bloody pulp. Then the Drama leaves me in the aftermath to pick up all the pieces as if I was playing 52 card pickup.

Yes the month of September has been even more interesting than August... but alas It is coming to an end.. and hopefully this means the end of a bad Karmic Streak.

I have done several Tarot Readings on everything that has happened.

and the Good News is.... I will bounce back... I always Do...

Matter of fact the reason for this particular Entry is to state that I am ready to Move on from all the Wreckage. It has been all Cleaned up... Not swept under some rug but actually put into a dust pan and dumped in the Garbage.

Im proud of myself... I had no idea I could learn this quick. GO ME ... I ROCK!

I will tell you this...

Never Ever Say... BRING FORTH THE NEXT CHALLENGE to fate...
Because... FATE WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!!

All in all. I must say that Lifes hardest lessons are worth learning. But be prepared!
I finally feel like I am able to atleast stand on my own 2 feet again. but then again I havent tried walking yet. However, there is nothing wrong with taking your time

Im out

Tricia

alternative personality

2005-09-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

My life is a friggin RollerCoaster!!

Im up one minute down the next. I feel like a Bi-polar kid who forgot her meds. (alas Thank GOD I am not Bi-polar) sooner or later something will have to give. Let's just hope it isn't my sanity.

As one can probably gather from previous entries. I am a glutton for pain. I beg for it. I come back for seconds because that is all I know. Pain and Numbness.

Can I even remember what it is like to be truly happy?

Right now being I am surrounded by darkness on all sides and there is not a glimmer of hope in site. Nope; Can't say as I remember what Happiness feels like. But being the constant cynic that I am. I know that Happiness is right around the corner and then something else that will ruin it.
Am I bitter. NO.
Am I realistic. Slightly

I have spent most of this weekend trying to figure out what I want in a man.
that's a simple question to answer.

I want a fairytale. (will I ever get it? Highly Doubtful.)
I want my prince charming to swoop in on his gallant Steed and sweep me off my feet and carry me off to the land of eternal Bliss.

I want my soul mate.
I want a man who understands me
I want a man I can bond with on a mental and spiritual level as well as physical. I am in the firm belief that if you don't have the Spriritual and Mental aspects of a relationship down then you will never be satisfied in the physical.

*****And suddenly a song comes to mind by the Rolling Stones. You know the one. "You Can't Always Get What you Want."*****

These criteria are more than what I want. This is what I need to be emotionally fulfilled with a man.
Now on to my second dilemma. How do I find these things with in myself?
Especially before I go and start searching for them in another guy.
Now remember I thought I had found all of these things in a guy.
I figured I was ready to move on, and I was.
Now Im back to square one.

This is square one ____
l l **I am Here
l___ l

(yeah i know it looks reflicted. Sorry my art work isn't the best in th world!)

I am a big vulnerable pile of goo whom happens to be world weary. I don't want to walk out of my front door in the mornings, let alone walk into work and deal with another 8 hours of hacking and slashing, plundering and pillaging, and all other types of Murderous Corporate Behavior, while being whipped and mentally beaten by Atilla the Friggin HUN!

This is where the being Dragged Kicking and screaming part comes in. I had best get over this PDQ. Life is not gonna wait while I have a semi nervous break down. I have tried to explain this to Atilla. She is not comprehending all too well. all she can see is my lack of enthusiasm to cut more throats.

In summation. I am freaking out about my home life because it is way less than satisfactory. My work life is suffering and nobody gives a shit. They just want numbers, and management does NOT understand the meaning of the words BURN OUT!!! I swear if someone else cracks a whip at me I will turn around snatch it out of their hand and commence to beating them with it.
The human spirit can only endure so much. "That which does not kill us will make us stronger"
Well I have either been Resurrected, Reincarnated, or Im friggin Super Woman? Im not sure which.

Ben and Jerry... Where are you when I need you???

Tricia

And The Shekinah glory of God descends yet again to light my path

2005-09-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Good Lord I have lost my way.
I know I have screwed up in a major way.

First of all a little back ground is due ...
I have posted previously the "Meaningless" lesson. I must say that I thought I knew the outcome of that lesson before it happened. Oh I knew only a small portion of it. I have sense learned that the "pseudoMeaningful" lesson hurts 10,000 times more, and I can honestly say I have truly learned. I know that I am half way censoring this because I do not know who's prying eyes may be reading this.

I will no longer censor myself. I can no longer Half-Ass bare my soul for the world's discrepancy. It's all or nothing.

OK. From the TOP!
MY 9 year relationship comes crashing down on me.
Is this such a bad thing. Yes and No.
I have not truly had the opportunity to define myself without the safety net of someone to catch me when I fall. Its time to sink or swim.
The first thing I do. Give myself 2 months grieving time because I learned at an early age, "life goes on" It will not leave you behind and it will drag you kicking and screaming. So you might as well get over it and get over it PDQ.

My first step out of the grieving process.

I set up a personals add. (HAHAHA)
The internet dating thing is not exactly for the weak... And anybody you meet on line... You best be brushed up on your mind games, because your skills and abilities will be tested.

*****Thank you God for my Friends because they warned me!!!!*****

Did I listen.
Yet again half assed because I am hard headed and I must learn EVERY lesson in life THE HARD WAY!!!

Yet again I digress.

The online dating experience has been fun. I will admit that much I have met 2 guys with whom I hope to remain friends. However anything further than that would be a severe stretch for me because getting BURNED is NOT FUN!!!!!

The first guy (Meaningless lesson)
Great guy.. Has a heart of gold. I seriously think he will not play games with me. However My guard is up and I am NOT letting it down. I think, that he thinks it is down. But this is where my TRULY fucked up mental state takes over. I really don't want to hurt him.

The second guy. (pseudoMeaningful lesson)
This guy is my match intellectually and to a certain extent spiritually. He and I are kindred spirits so to speak. Am I in love with this guy. NO! Will I ever allow myself to love this guy NO. Can I ever allow myself to love this guy. NO! Friendship is the ONLY option because no matter what: I can NOT allow my guard to come down. At least not for a very long time. And definitely not with him.

When a man tells you that he will hurt you... It is always a good idea to listen.

Here is my dilemma
I do NOT know how to have "Meaningless" sex. Guy #1 Taught me how to do that.
And guy #2 I really don't know how to describe what it was. I am truly at a loss for words on this one.

Hence my Current Fucked Mental state.

It all really boils down to trying to move on with my life. Feeling regret over things I have not experienced because for most of my life I have been the good girl. I do believe I am paying my dues. It has proven to be very valuable life experience... And knowing now what I know... Would I trade it for anything. NO.

I have done what I have done as a means to an end. I know that now I will never be able to go back to where I was. Plus what would I have accomplished if I try to go back to square one.

Life is about learning.
It's about making mistakes.
Life will throw shit in your path that will knock you flat on your back and take your breath away.
All you can do is Get back up and learn to recognize what is gonna try to trip you up next.
No one can tell you this..
It MUST be lived through.

Am I still a sweet innocent Good Girl???
I like to think that yes I am.
Am I jaded and bitter.
NO.

Am I wiser???
HELL YEAH

HA ... HA... HA...

2005-09-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Im finally getting my last laff.
Cus ya know what
I dont give a shit..
the world could crumble around me right now... I could be standing on a 3 foot piece of asteroid floating thru space all by myself and I wouldn't give a shit...
cus pretty much everything means nothing.

I love being Numb...
Its great...

Ode to Irene

2005-09-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet Little rust bucket finally keeled over.
I know a lot of people don't understand my love for this car.

(a black 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse -5-speed- with white oxydation spots)

But Irene has shared some wonderful times with me.
She was truely the first car I ever Earned!

In all of her Rusted Glory **Sniff

She saw me Through the trauma and drama with an ex roomate and exfriend!
She even took me to Tennessee and back when I needed to follow my own path of self discovery.

Irene. You will always be my girl. If I had a 40 I would dump it out to honor your memory!!

I love my friends..

2005-09-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Thank you.

Amen

The Meaningless Lesson

2005-09-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ah... The Meaningless Lesson
This is the lesson I already knew I just didnt have the experience to back it up
Well now I have the experience to back up the lesson
I knew the out come would be miserable.
I had no Idea just how miserable but hey a learning experience was worth it.

Or was it?

I wrote something profound to myself, the other day that makes so much sense to me that it can't possibly make sense to anyone else.
"If I'm not hurtin then something is wrong."

I really need to get out of that mentality!!!!!!!!!
because All I am doing is causing myself more suffering and grief when I should be taking this time to heal from the wreck that is my life.

***********************************
UpDate
***********************************

I refuse to beat my self up for it anymore. I am human. I am allowed to make mistakes. I'd be a fool if I didnt regret the process of learning the lesson, But I have learned a lot from regret.
So be it!!!
let the next challenge step forth!!!!!!!!!

Big Fat egos Make Wonderful Pin Cushions!!

2005-09-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

Life is great ya know...
There are lessons I am learning now that I seriously should have learned a few years ago...
Such as the Pumped up Ego gets you nowhere.
and No matter how Cliched. The "It's not YOU.. It's ME" speech sux!!!Especially when you are on the receiving end.
Hell!! It sux for the person giving it!!!
The Giver of the INYIM speech knows its a cop out.
The giver of the INYIM speech realizes that the receiver of the INYIM speech Knows it's a cop out.

Oh for Christ's sake!!!!!!!
To anybody in the future who is even remotely debating using the technique in the future.
*****DO NOT HAND OVER THIS LOAD OF BULL!!!*****

The person you are giving the INYIM speech to will waste atleast 24 hours of their life wondering what they did that made you decide that the It's Not You... It's Me. Speech, was necessary!!!

Why not go with total and complete Honesty.
Like saying "Hey I'm a Commitment Phobe!" Or I'm sorry I have decided not to get to know you and here is the Brush off!!!

(Do I sound a bit Bitter??? I think I do!!!)

One thing is For SURE!!!
Insecurity is a Bitch!!! And a Dirty McNasty one at that!!!

It is a blatantly Obvious sign that you are insecure when you have used the INYIM speech. If it is to be used to spare the other persons feelings... It Really doesn't... It makes the receiver feel way worse than Outright Honesty ever could.

Now for the deflated Ego!!!!!!!!!

As My Faithful readers will know and take note...
Over the past couple of Months; I have been through Hell and back with all sudden changes that have taken place. And let me tell you "Snorkeling in the Office Ocean did a world of good for My slef esteem!! ( and to God I will Remain eternally thankful)

Did the office Ocean give me a bit of an Ego...
*****Yet again ya'll realize I hate admitting my personality flaws*****
I must admit yes.
Did it get way Over Inflated. No I don't think so.
I have never been the narcissistic type. Nor do I ever hope to be.
But "Snorkeling" did give me the Motivation I needed to get up in the Morning and put on my Make up and prepare for a day of Pillaging, Plundering, and other types of Murderous Corporate Behavior versus the oposite Moody slump of nonproductive ankle biting.

Well now I gotta find New Motivation.
That won't be hard..
My Yarn Stash needs Inriching. I guess money will have to be my motivation from now on...
Ya'll just don't know how much I hate Money!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it when I have it ... but it is always gone all too quickly!!!
which is when I hate it... Which is most of the time!!!

Alas time for bed
I have to prepare myself for more Hack N Slash tomarrow!!!!!!!!!

A New Beginning.

2005-08-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

Forgive me Jesus. Fore I have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD!!!

I am all too human. This much I know
and for it all what do I have to show.

Here I am standing on this stage.
Filled with doubt, pity, and just a bit of rage.
Looking to back for the nearest exit sign.
They are all locked and now I'm in a Bind.

Help me GOD thru this wretched test!
I have to prove myself and nothing less!

AHH Sunday... The Day of Rest.

2005-08-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

Oh what a great day Sunday is.

The one day of the week where you can sit around and do NOTHING!!!
Its great. The only thing. There is always a slight since of forboding coming for Monday!. I'm not gonna let Tomarrow ruin today. I got my back door opened to the world, and it looks like the clouds were painted in the sky especially for me because today is SUNDAY. The day of REST!!!!

My Plans for today...

1. Complete My first sock
2. Meditate
3. Loaf

I think that sounds like a pretty good plan for today. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything too majorly important. Today just isn't the day for me to do it.

Sleep Deprivation... He He He

2005-08-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

It's 3:58 in the mornin.

I should be in the bed catchin up on my Beauty sleep!.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOO

what Am I doing at 3:58 am

I am goofing off with my web cam and knitting
and Philosophising about the world. ( and I am now debating if Philosophising is even a word... and I'm too lazy to check dictionary.com or do a spell check)... See what sleep Deprivation will do to ya!

anyway.. check it out yall
I have been knitting now for like almost 2 years... I've gotten a couple of projects completed but nothing Major... I got first sweater knocked out a while back and a knitting bag.. and other dinky items here and there.. I was working on designing a skirt with some Absolutely Fabulous Noro Silk Garden Yarn ( this stuff is Butter) Anyway.. the whole drama thing happened and I just havent been motivated to pick up the stix. (Shame on me... I KNOW) Alas My friends in the local Stitch N Bitch are very disappointed in me for not completing a project. especially when I was being all Anally Retentive about every Little Detail on this Skirt. (Noro Silk Garden is expensive... It's Like $10 a ball aprox 200 yrds) Anyway!!! I bought grafting paper so I could map out the increases and decreases because "The Magic Formula" ( as Debbie Stoller Likes to call it) didnt work. Or I did it wrong. Prolly me doing it wrong But I will never admit that.
Yet again I digress.

I was being majorly hard on myself for this thing to be perfect. and It just wasn't turning out the way I wanted it to. So I have put it to the side for a while. In the mean time I have decided to conquer socks!!! I started my first sock about a month and a half ago... due to moving and generally not having time I havent gotten very far with it. ( Im a bad Person:o( I know) So my freinds tell me to get some bigger Double Pointed Needles and some thicker Yarn!!!. And let me tell you the progress is just sooooooooooo much quicker. And I actually feel inspired Just as my fellow Stitch N Bitchers said I would... They are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying sooooooooooooooo hard not to go Cross Eyed Right now... I absolutely love being sleep deprived. I really really do!!

AAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

2005-08-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

Bless me Jesus!!!
Please Lord I am begging at this point.

I went before the Mercy of Alexander the Great today. Atilla the Hun was causing me more stress than I could bear... And especially more stress than what was necessary for a FRIDAY!!!
I went to Alexander to plead my case for all previously stated drama that has been dealt with or is currently in the process of being taken care of.

I broke it down "Barney Style"

*** Definition of "Barney Style"
***** understandable to a 2 year old - hence the reference to the big purple dinosaur*****

I know Alexander is stressed to the max with what is supposed to be burned and what is supposed to be pillaged, and which women and children should be spared and which ones should be left to rot on the side of the road.

**don't yall just love how I refer to Corporate workings in this manner. Isn't it soooooooo fitting!**

I do not want to be left to rot on the side of the road... I like my job as a grunt who helps to build the Empire. Sure I would love to run an Empire one day. Just not this one.
Anyway back to the story.
I went before Alexander the Great today and begged to get Atilla to stop beating me like a dead Horse.

I pointed out my track record of plundering and pillaging and my numbers have grown and grown and sure it got me a pat on the back for being a good Pirate, but it is not what I truly want. I want to help other people to be little Plunderers and Pilligers to hack and slash their hearts out. But Oh NO!!! Atilla says that I have not cut enough throats this month as per quota. and that I will need to be evaluated because of such lack of murderous behavior. Even though from months before I have overzealously Hacked, Slashed, Plundered, Pillaged, Tortured, and even maimed a few innocent aminals along the way.

There is an OLD... OLD... OLD... Adage that goes like this.

"Shit Rolls Down Hill"

Well I like to think that today... I rolled it back up that hill and handed it directly to the main monkey responsible for all the Flit Shinging.

go ME!!!

I ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**********************************************************************************

Fridays are by far the best day of the work week. Unless you have to work on a Saturday (and to those people I truly feel bad for) I have to work atleast 1 Saturday a month. So I understand.

Well Atilla thoroughly Ruined my Friday. Being I don't have to work tomorrow. Hallelujah.. PRAISE JESUS!! But that's ok because ya know what... TODAY IS PAYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's sad to say that a majority is already spent... for example... The rent will be due on the 1st. The check was written 3 days ago and will be cashed today. (the quicker its out of my account the better...) There are still a few things I need to get for my apartment. Mainly Curtains, so I can walk around naked.

*****VIOLENT ACT OF RANDOMNESS*****
Oh and I have a comment regarding Curtains for my Friend in New Zealand who likes to refer to Curtains as "Window Blockers"!!!
Why Jake Why!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do you call them Window Blockers????????????????
****A little background- Jake and I have been having this argument for the last year. and it is still not resolved.. I dont think it ever will be But I refuse to give up hope!!!! Can't yall tell I'm the Eternal optimist!!
*****End VIOLENT ACT OF RANDOMNESS*****

I need more candles, and dinky stuff like that.

I got my cork screw, because I do like to have the occasional glass of Red Wine.
I'm trying a white wine here and a white wine there but nothing I like as good as a full bodied sweet red wine. By the way Chianti tastes like you are scraping the bottom of an Oak Barrel and you wanna talk about DRY!!!! WHEW!!! Its Tough!!! Chianti will slap the taste buds right out your mouth!!!!!!!!
I think that's enough of My advice on being a wine connoisseur. Being I am not a professional in that area. But ya know.. All a Wine Connoisseur is... Is a professional Whino!!!

On that Note I think I need to stop. and I think I have had too much wine anyway. So Im OUT!!

Music to Define an Era!!!

2005-08-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you; but I LOVE music!!!
Absolutely adore it...
I can not imagine my life with out music.

And I am not one of those people who just listens to have something on for back ground noise... No my taste in Music is a little more discernable. Music defines so much of who I am. It is amazing to me that other people in this world know exactly how to express what I am feeling.
Example.
ATB (DJ Andre Tanneberger) has a song called "Believe in Me... This song is currently deffining an Era In my life. I do believe I have listened to this song at least 10 times a day for the past week and a half. I'm almost to that point where Im getting sick of it... but not quite..cus if i dont hear it first thing in the morning.. my day is just RUINED!!! ATB has other great stuff out!!! Everybody should check it out http://www.atb-music.com/v4.5/

If my life had a sound track. This would be it.

1. Believe In Me by ATB
2. Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve
3. Halcyon and On and On by Orbital
4. Don't Let it Bring You Down by Annie Lennox
5. Speed of Sound by Cold Play
6. Horse With No Name by America
7. Precious Illusions by Alanis Morissette
8. Breathe by Anna Nalick
9. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac
10. NoRain by Blind Melon
11. Damn I wish I was your Lover by Sophie B. Hawkins
12. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
13. Soul Of Desire by Phobos.

Fairly diverse selection of music there. I was talking to some guy from tech support the other day (I talk to a lot of people in a day) and I was telling this guy how I was listening to a lot of Coldplay and he told me to watch out Cold play will make you want to take a leap from a 22nd story window.

The not so new stuff.
Yeah.
I can see that.

But Not Speed of Sound. There is just something about that song that brings me out of My funk.
To sum up most of my angst; I had to add No Rain by Blind Melon just because If you have ever heard this song... (and if you have spent a majority of your youth in the 90's then you have heard this song) It sums up all of Life's Insanity in one little 3 min and 39 second song. That to me Is AMAZING!!

and the last three songs on this list are all listed because of my adventure snorkeling in the office Ocean. *wink wink*

I know I'm Evil and I seriously need to stop, but theres no fun in stopping!

Have a Good one Yall

True Love and a wet Nose

2005-08-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

I’m lonely…

I’m not gonna waste your time or mine and say that I’m not. I must say that I am handling the loneliness factor a lot better than what I thought I would. And I must admit the “Flirtation” is really helping with that.

But still. There is a void there that will not be filled until I have something tangible to Love. Something I can smother with attention and affection.
So I have decided I am gonna get a puppy. Something small. It’s really funny I start out looking for a dachshund but I end up looking at a German shepherd or a chocolate lab. Being I live in an Apartment. I need a small dog… NO Chihuahua’s need apply.
My aunt had a little black and brown dachshund one time. He looked like a miniature Rottweiler. He was the cutest thing in the world. And boy He had personality. And just as Ferschnickity. Oh my goodness; he was adorable.

So I want a puppy…
You know something I can take care of that will love me unconditionally. And won’t talk back except for the occasional bark. I want a puppy that can sit in my lap and curl up and not make my legs fall asleep. I want a dachshund. I just don’t want to pay $300.00 for a dachshund. So tomorrow I’m gonna take a look at the pound and around the local animal shelters to see what I can do about getting my self a puppy. I will also check the paper to see if anybody is giving away any free puppies. I just want to share the love.

And for this I am truely thankful

2005-08-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you are at that point in your life where everything is brand new to you and you don't know you head from your elbow. Well Guess what Yall! I am at that point.

Ok... Ok... A little bit of background is due. At some point mid July, (I do not recall the exact date.) My boyfriend of 9 years and I decide that we are wasting each others time and that our relationship is henceforth Null and Void. Let me clarify further by saying that: In the state of North Carolina, There is NO Common Law Marriage, (and for this Dear God I am Truely thankful). Anyway. I moved out.

Got my own place which might I add Its nice to be on my own again. I can walk around Naked if I so choose... Havent done it yet cus all i have right now are mini blinds. I have quit smoking. Go Me!!! I Rock!!! I am the strongest woman alive to handle this kind of pressure and quit smoking all at the same time and I DID IT COLD TURKEY TOO!!!
My current mental state is excellent all things considered. I must confess that Ben and Jerry have been my support group and so has my good buddy the tred mill. Im single now. I can't pack on depression pounds. That is a BIG NO NO!!!

As far as dating again goes I really don't know if I'm ready for that yet; However I am discovering the beauty of Flirtation. It's really kind of sad. Im 26 years old and just now really learning how to flirt. Is it a basic instinct that I just forgot to take notice of or pay attention to??
At this point I'm not sure. All I know is that there are several basic rules for dating that my friends have informed me of. One of which is Never Fish from the Office Pond. DUALLY NOTED!!!!! My question is this. Does it count if he is in another Department thats at least 600 miles away? And the sound of his voice just makes you want to melt in exstacy? Or is that just me loosing my battle with celabacy? Technically Im not fishing from the office pond I am more or less snorkeling in the office ocean. At least thats the way I like to look at it.

Work = Hell!!!!!!!!!!!

When going through a major Life Altering change such the afore mentioned every little thing that can cause you stress Can and will get under your skin and wiggle around like little shards of Fiber Glass. NOT FUN!!!
I work for Atilla the Hun!!! No seriously I do... Atilla was reincarnated to work for Corporate America and I have been graced with Atilla the Hun as a boss. From 8-5 everyday it is time to conquer and plunder. When all I feel like doing is sitting on my love seat with some cheesy girlie chick flick a pint of Ben and Jerry's Karmel Sutra and a box of Puffs Plus!! and NO... I refuse to use my Hard earned vacation time to get over a MAN!!! Hell No will never happen... Its Called GRIN AND BEAR IT! But sometimes Its Really Hard to Grin when you have Atilla breathing down your neck about trying to take down an empire, while buiding one at the same time.

One thing I have always known. Ladies this is the best advice in the world. When ever you feel absolutely terrible about yourself and Ben and Jerry aren't helping any more... Go see your Hair Dresser!! Oh and I am totally serious on this. I chopped 6 inches off and died it Bright Fire Engine Red ( oh and it does suit me.) and I feel so much better. After Sitting in My Angel's chair for 3 hours. OMG she works Miracles ( and GOD for her I am truely TRUELY thankful!) check out the pic if ya dont believe me

In closing.

These are the things I am truely Thankful for. 1. The lessons I have learned from this experience, the good, the bad, and the not so pretty. 2. Ben and Jerry GOD BLESS YOU! 3. Flirtation is a wonderful thing I just wish i understood it more. 4. My wonderful Stylist with such skill that can be imitated by NONE!!! The knowledge of such things are true blessings in and of themselves. I shall now go forth into the world a little bit Wiser!